A Full Life
by sinemoras09
Summary: Decim in the human world. Post-series. Decim/Chiyuki. Collection of oneshots and drabbles. Fix-it fic. Spoilers for episode 12.
1. A Full Life

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1.

She wakes. Slowly her eyes crack open and her vision comes into focus; someone is crying, clasping her hand.

"Chiyuki. Chiyuki."

"Okaasan," Chiyuki says, and she sits up suddenly, her eyes snapping open. She's in a hospital room. There are bandages around her wrist.

"What happened?" Chiyuki says. She sits forward, the bedsheets falling around her waist and rustling with her movement. "Where am I?"

"You tried to kill yourself," her father says, and Chiyuki suddenly remembers: the feel of the razor, a gush of warm blood and the pain of the blade slipping into her skin. "If not for your friend, you wouldn't have survived."

"Friend?" Chiyuki says, and at this her father nods, knowingly.

"Your friend Decim," her father says, and Chiyuki's eyes widen.

"He had gone to find you at the house."

xXx

.

It's not until her parents leave that Decim steps out from the shadows, quietly kneeling beside her bed in the hospital room.

"Forgive me," Decim says, and the first thing Chiyuki notices are his eyes: human eyes, Chiyuki realizes. Without the markings of an arbiter, a shade of sky blue.

"It wasn't a dream," Chiyuki says. There is a small ache at her wrist, which she covers, reflexively. "I thought I was dead! How is this possible, I was there for _months_."

"Time for us flows differently than for you humans," Decim says. He pulls up a chair, sitting beside her. "Seven thousand souls die each hour of every day, and we arbiters must pass judgment the moment these souls pass. It would be nigh impossible to do this at the speed you feel time."

"But why?" Chiyuki says. "I thought...I thought I was going to be reincarnated! I thought my life was over for me. I thought..."

"You were given a second chance," Decim says. Chiyuki hesitates.

"...And you?"

"I was judged unfit to continue as an arbiter."

His words are like a knife in her chest. "Because of me?" Chiyuki says.

"Because I have obtained human emotions," Decim says. He looks up at the ceiling, thoughtfully.

"I was to be disposed of in the void, as is what's done when an arbiter can no longer do his task. But Nona-san pulled some strings," Decim says, and Chiyuki can see his mouth quirk a little at the pun. "She convinced Oculus to bring me here."

"So you're human?" Chiyuki says.

"No," Decim says, and he hesitates.

"I am still a doll."

It takes a moment for Chiyuki to process it. The sun is setting, and slants of orange light filters through the window.

"If you're still a doll, what happens when you die?" Chiyuki asks, quietly. "Will you be judged?"

"No," Decim says. And then,

"I will go to the void, as intended."

"You can't!" Chiyuki says, and outside her hospital room, the nurses turn toward her. Chiyuki lowers her voice. "That isn't fair. They can't do this to you."

"It has already been decided," Decim says. He covers her fist with his hand.

"I will be allowed to live a human life. I believe that is more than fair."

xXx

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2.

Even though Decim should have no birth certificate, no source of income, and no real proof of identification, he's somehow showing Chiyuki his apartment, kneeling in front of a safe and showing her all sorts of forms of valid ID.

"How did you get a birth certificate?" Chiyuki says. She turns the paper over in her hands. "And how do you have an apartment?"

"Nona-san secured it for me." Decim closes the safe quietly, before he stands. "She has also secured me a position at a nearby bar. For bartending," Decim says, as if that needed any explanation. Chiyuki covers her mouth and laughs.

She goes back to her house, where her mother is preparing dinner.

"Chiyuki. Why haven't we heard anything of this Quin?" her mother says. "He seems like a nice man. I'm surprised we've never heard about him."

Chiyuki glances back from the sink. Her mother smiles.

"He was very worried about you, your friend," her mother says. "He said you were supposed to meet him at work, and when you didn't show up he came to the house. Thank goodness he did! Another minute and you would have been..."

Her mother's face crumbles.

"Okaasan," Chiyuki says. But her mother shakes her head, smiling. Because it was a suicide attempt, Chiyuki had to go to an inpatient psychiatry ward before being discharged home. Ordinarily she would be humiliated at the prospect, the shame and self-loathing tightening at her throat. But she felt no sorrow then, not when the sun shined brightly through cheerful windows, or how the nurses smiled, or how the doctors really cared.

"I'm proud of you, Chi-chan," her mother says. And then,

"Just promise me you won't do it again!"

"I won't," Chiyuki says, and her mother wraps her arms around her, holding her safe and warm.

They invite Decim over for dinner. Chiyuki sits, growing more and more embarrassed, as her mother dishes bowl after bowl of rice and her father makes not-so subtle suggestions that the two of them are an item.

"So why aren't you two together?" her father says.

"_Tousan_," Chiyuki says, horrified. But Decim is thankfully oblivious to her parents' assault.

"The prospect would be most pleasing," Decim says, and Chiyuki snaps her head back to him, eyes wide, "But I have not thought to ask her."

"Oh?" her father says. Chiyuki bangs her head on the table.

"Decim isn't like that," Chiyuki says. "Decim is just a friend..."

"Chiyuki, don't insult the man, he's sitting right here," her father says.

"Decim, my dad is just teasing you. Don't take him seriously," Chiyuki says. Decim bows, politely.

"Forgive me my misunderstanding," Decim says, and Chiyuki just wants to fall to the floor.

They go for a walk. The night is warm and the streetlamps cast yellow halos on the sidewalk. Chiyuki walks with her hands in her pockets while Decim walks beside her, and for a long while the two of them don't say anything.

It is an awkward silence. It's the first time since her hospitalization that they've spent any real time together, and Chiyuki doesn't know what to do with herself. She fidgets with the sleeves of her coat, then glances around at the people jogging or at the sound of a bicycle riding past them. Meanwhile, Decim doesn't seem to notice her discomfort. He walks, just like he always does, hands barely moving stiffly at his side.

"Sorry about my parents," Chiyuki says. "They're just a little bit excited, you know?"

"I thoroughly enjoy conversing with humans," Decim says. "Please do not apologize."

"Thanks," Chiyuki says. Chiyuki tucks a strand of hair back behind her ear, staring at the ground.

Why was she embarrassed? It's not as if they weren't friends. Not to mention he had her memories, he already knew everything about her.

"Chiyuki-san?"

Chiyuki startles. "Yes?"

Decim stops, then stands in front of her. He's stood in front of her before, but it's the first time she notices just how much taller he is than her. She barely comes up to the middle of his chest, and somehow this knowledge makes her feel self-conscious.

"I am making you uneasy," Decim says, and she can hear it, something like hurt and confusion in his voice. "Why?

Is it because I am not human?" Decim says.

Chiyuki's throat is dry. He steps closer to her.

"I have always admired those who live a full life," Decim says. He lowers his head, a shadow falling over his eyes. "I would be happy to see how you live yours. However, I do not wish for you to feel responsible for me."

"What do you mean?" Chiyuki says, and Decim straightens, slightly.

"I will leave," Decim says, simply. "You needn't worry yourself with the likes of me."

"What?" Chiyuki says. "No! Decim, no one said you had to go-"

"You are unhappy with me," Decim says. Chiyuki shakes her head.

"No," she says, and she clasps his hands.

"I'm embarrassed," Chiyuki says.

"Why?" Decim says.

"Because," Chiyuki says, and she has to force herself to continue: "Because you're here and you came back with me. And I'm happy we can be together."

"As am I," Decim says. "Then why are you embarrassed?"

_Because his hands are warm,_ her mind chants. _Because when they last hugged she felt so safe folded up in his arms._

"Decim," Chiyuki says, carefully. "Do you know what it means, when a person says they want to be together?"

Decim considers, thoughtfully. "'Together' has many connotations," Decim says. "For instance, you could say many people ride the train together. As for us, we judged souls together," Decim says, and she feels his thumb absently stroking the skin at the center of her palm.

"It's a colloquialism," Chiyuki says, and somehow they're standing closer, she has to fight the urge to lean against him. She tilts her head upwards, looking up at him while they speak. "When a person says they want to be together with someone, they want to go on dates with them. If those dates work out, they become a couple. And that's what it means when you say 'they're together.'"

"I understand," Decim says. "I would like for us to be together."

"Decim, I don't think you understand-"

"'Together' is together," Decim says. "I believe I do know the meaning of that word."

_He doesn't get it_, Chiyuki thinks, and sighs inwardly. "Decim-"

"If you're referring to its sexual connotations, I had assumed we would take things slowly," Decim says, and Chiyuki's eyes pop out of her head.

"_Huh?!_"

Decim blinks. It's the first time he looks really unsure. "Forgive me," Decim says, and a blush cracks across his face. "It was wrong of me to assume-"

But Chiyuki pushes up on her tip-toes and kisses him. He stumbles a little, and she smiles, fondly. They walk back to his apartment, hand in hand.

xXx

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They kiss in his apartment. Decim is no longer uncertain this time, and Chiyuki's gut bottoms out at the feel of him kissing her, hand cupping the side of his face and the tip of his tongue gently touching hers.

"Have you done this before?" Chiyuki asks. They're speaking in whispers. Decim shakes his head.

"No," Decim says. Slowly Chiyuki comes close to him and begins unbuttoning his shirt.

He's standing completely still as she undresses him, his eyes closed and his lips parted softly. She leans into his neck and slides off the rest of his shirt, circling his waist with her arms. "Can I ask you a question?" Chiyuki asks. She sees the bump of his adam's apple swallow.

"What is it you want to know?"

"When you took me to the basement," Chiyuki says, and she begins walking him backward toward the edge of the bed. "I was wearing my old clothes. Did you undress me."

Her lips brush against the strap muscle of his neck as they sit on the bed. Another swallow. "...Yes."

She drops a soft kiss against his mouth. "Did you look?" she asks. Decim's eyes slowly open.

"I do not understand," Decim says.

"I'm asking," Chiyuki says, and she begins undoing the buttons of his pants, "If you looked at me when you changed my clothes."

"I tried not to," Decim says, softly. His eyes close again as she kisses his throat.

She pulls off her shirt. Unclasps her bra and tosses it to the side of the bed. Carefully she guides his hand up to her left breast. "My nipples are sensitive," she whispers. "It feels good if you touch them there."

Decim hesitates a moment, then bends forward, gently cupping one soft breast and taking her nipple in his mouth. Chiyuki groans, then murmurs, "Wait a minute," moving to pull off her pants and underwear and settle on his lap.

"Chiyuki...san." There is uncertainty in his voice as she pulls down his pants, exposing his length. "We do not have to do this."

"Do you want to stop?" Chiyuki asks.

"I-" Decim swallows. "I am nervous."

"Why?" she says.

"I do not want to hurt you."

Their foreheads touch. She cups his face in her hands. "Why do you think you'll hurt me?" she asks, quietly. He looks up at her with bright blue eyes.

"Because you cried the last time you did something like this," Decim says.

Chiyuki remembers. There was a boy who pressured her at University. She slept with him before she was ready, and when he stopped calling her, she cried herself to sleep for days.

"You have my memory of that?" Chiyuki says. Decim nods.

"I have all your memories," Decim says. He's searching her with his eyes.

Chiyuki smiles, then fondly cups him on the cheek. "This isn't the same," Chiyuki says.

They lie back on the bed. She straddles him on top, carefully taking his length and lowering herself on him. The room is dark and they speak in half-whispers, the room quiet except for the sounds of their breathing and the slick, wet sounds of her moving on top of him. Decim closes his eyes and lets out a shuddery breath, and Chiyuki rewards him with a small kiss against his jaw.

"Is your knee okay?" Decim asks, softly. His voice is breathier than normal. "Chiyuki-san?"

"I'm fine," she says. Her hair brushes against his chest like a curtain.

"Let me be on top," Decim says, softly. "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Chiyuki sighs and moves off of him, waiting as he repositions himself.

He slips into her with one smooth thrust, then begins to move inside her.

It feels good. Chiyuki strains against him, because she's close, and she only opens her eyes when he asks, softly, "Do you want me to go down on you?"

The words are jarring coming from him, the same soft, sonorous voice, the same pleasant monotone, as if he were asking if she wanted a drink at the bar.

"What?" Chiyuki says. He's still moving, kissing the side of her face.

"I know it's difficult for you to climax like this." His voice is soft.

"How did you know?"

"I know from your memories of doing things like this."

"Okay," Chiyuki whispers, and their eyes meet. He pushes himself up on his arms and lowers himself between her legs.

She gasps. He's licking her in the exact way she needs for it to feel good, laving her clit with soft, slow strokes.

How is this Decim? she wonders. The Decim she knows is as sexless and sterile as any mannequin at the bar. But here he is now, breathing heavy with his mouth to her sex, and as she peaks into orgasm all she can think of is that she's alive, and he's alive with her.

xXx

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3.

"I am uncertain about this," Decim says, as Chiyuki pulls him onto the skating rink. Little kids speed by him in fast colored blurs, and Decim wobbles, catching himself with a death grip on her arm.

She leaves him by the wall, then skates ahead of him, turning with one graceful loop and stretching out her arms. "C'mon," Chiyuki says. "Keep your head steady and focus on me.

And move slowly. You don't want to go too fast."

"Chiyuki-san, I must protest," Decim says, and there is a touch of panic in his voice as another kid whizzes past him. He slips and catches himself again, clinging to the wall. "I do not think this is safe."

"Everyone falls the first time," Chiyuki says, and Decim starts forward hesitantly. "You have my memories, right?"

"They do not translate to physical ability," Decim says.

"Could have fooled me last night."

"I-" Decim turns several shades of red, before inching forward.

xXx

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She teaches at the skating rink. After work, Decim will meet her there, dressed in a dark coat and scarf, and Chiyuki will smile and wave to her students, waving as she meets him.

As it turns out, Decim is the perfect boyfriend: they do everything she likes to do; they make love exactly the way she likes making love. He prepares her favorite foods and takes her to all her favorite places, and Decim is so uncomplaining and patient that it takes a few months before Chiyuki realizes just how one-sided their relationship has become. "We should do something you like to do," Chiyuki says.

Decim blinks. "I do not understand," Decim says.

"Well...we always do what I want. But what about you?" Chiyuki says. "Is there any place you want to go, or anything you want to do?"

"I am happy being with you," Decim says, and Chiyuki rests her head against his shoulder.

"I just...I don't want you to think we can't do something you'd enjoy. You know? I want to make you happy," Chiyuki says. "Can you think of anything I can do for you?"

Decim seems to think a moment. "I heard there are wax museums," Decim says.

"Oh, okay! Yeah, we can visit one of those," Chiyuki says.

"I also enjoy looking at the mannequins at the department store," Decim says.

"O-oh."

"Perhaps I will take up puppetry again," Decim says, and Chiyuki starts to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" Decim says, but Chiyuki shakes her head, giggling into her hand.

xXx

.

"What's it like, having my memories?" Chiyuki says.

"How do you mean?" Decim says. They are spending time at his place; he hugs her on the couch, tucking her body against the length of his chest and holding her sideways. She glances up behind her shoulder, looking at him.

"I mean," Chiyuki starts. "Do you remember them as if they happened to you?" Decim shakes his head.

"Do you remember your fifth birthday party?" he asks.

"Yes," Chiyuki says. Decim pauses, reflecting.

"You and your parents share that same memory," Decim says. "All three of you will remember the color of the cake, what songs were sung. How you spent the rest of that day. I remember this too, as if I were with you."

"Really?" Chiyuki says, and she has a ridiculous image of baby Decim sharing a birthday cake with her.

"What a minute," Chiyuki says, suddenly. "So when you remember me and my other boyfriends-"

"It is as if I were with you, yes," Decim says.

She gets an image of Decim standing in the shadows, watching silently as she makes out with a parade of useless boys, as he did when he used to judge them. "I'm not sure I like to think about that," Chiyuki says, frowning. Decim makes a soft amused sound, then smiles at her with his eyes.

xXx

.

He is still a doll.

Some nights, Chiyuki is awake with the sudden realization that Decim will not live another life; that there is no chance of reincarnation, that after this, they will no longer be together. "Do not be sad for me," Decim says. "One full life, and I will die happily. Remember this," Decim says, and he cradles her close, kissing her eyes.

xXx

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4.

The baby is crying. Chiyuki is coming apart at the seams, but Decim is as placid and stoic as ever, rocking the baby and holding her to his chest.

"I just want to sleep!" Chiyuki wails, because she's tearful and tired and only a few weeks postpartum, and she sobs uncontrollably as Decim ushers her into the bedroom. "I'm a horrible mommy! Why can't I be there for her?"

"You are tired," Decim says. He holds the baby with one arm as he guides Chiyuki into the bed. "You need to sleep."

"You don't need to sleep," Chiyuki says.

"I am not human," Decim says. He pulls the covers up to Chiyuki's chin.

Neither one of them thought Chiyuki would get pregnant. But their child is there now, quieting down as Decim holds her, and Chiyuki is amazed at how much she looks like him. The same blue eyes, the same pale skin. It is nothing short of a miracle that a doll can father a human child, but here she is.

He is closer than ever to being human.

Decim is asleep. The baby is sleeping in the bassinet, hands curled into tiny fists held above her head. Carefully, Chiyuki drapes a blanket over Decim's shoulder, then quietly leans against him.

She knows he will live his life to the fullest. And he will not give heed to what comes after.


	2. Nona makes a bet

_Author's note: I've decided to turn this into a collection of oneshots and drabbles in this same universe. This is the prequel to the first fic; it's technically finished, so I'm marking this as "complete" for now.  
_

* * *

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1.

He is carrying a box. Nona watches, standing in the shadows, as Decim carefully walks down the darkened hallway back to the bar.

It's not the first time Nona's done this, watched on as her pet project cleaned the rest of the bar space, or stood by awkwardly while Chiyuki attempted a modicum of small talk. Quin called it outright spying, but Nona preferred to think of it as a necessary task, taking field notes on her not-quite human arbiter.

So she's here now, watching with quiet interest as Decim carefully picks up the remains of Chiyuki's body: two arms, two legs, a detached mannequin head; a feminine torso carefully leaning to the side.

Decim's done this so often that Nona knows his routine by rote: whether it's reincarnation or the void, he will gather the broken pieces of his former guests, store them in carefully marked boxes until he has time to piece them back together. Nona will watch as Decim carefully and meticulously thread steel wires into the joints, repairing whatever cracks and dents are left in the plaster.

He sets the box on the bar. Mannequin parts clatter with the movement as he walks behind the counter, wiping his hands on his apron and repositioning the box. He removes the torso and limbs almost methodically, setting them on top of the counter.

And then he picks up the head. She can't see his eyes when he turns it over in his hands.

xXx

.

No one is sent to the void in Quindecim.

"Nona-san." Decim looks up from the glass he's wiping, and smiles. "What brings you here?"

"What the hell are you doing?" Nona says. Decim stops smiling.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Word has it you're reincarnating everyone. Oculus is up my ass and you're hosting cocktail parties instead of playing games."

"I'm terribly sorry," Decim says, and he sets down the glass. "I have been judging them, Nona-san. All of my guests so far have warranted reincarnation."

Nona walks around the bar, frowning at Chiyuki's mannequin. The likeness is unnerving - unlike his other dolls, Decim has taken the time to carve out Chiyuki's smile, which he has also painted with lipstick; it's also wearing her old clothes.

"I heard you've been refusing your guests' memories," Nona says. She shoots a look at him. "Why?"

"I no longer believe they are necessary," Decim says. Nona's eyes narrow.

"Their memories are what's necessary to create extreme conditions. Or haven't you been doing that?" Nona says.

"...No."

"I thought not," Nona says. "Why?"

"Because," and Decim hesitates. "I believe there are better tests of character."

There is something wrong with his eyes, but she can't place it. She looks at the doll sitting next to him. The doll is smiling. Nona glares.

"Do you know what happens when you just reincarnate everyone?" Nona says. "The world becomes unbalanced. You need to be strict with the number of human souls.

Although I suppose it would be difficult for you, after everything you've been through."

"I am terribly sorry," Decim says, and he bows. "I will do better in the future."

You'd better, Nona thinks. Otherwise old flower head will dismantle you.

xXx

.

"Murderers?" Castra swivels in her chair. "You want me to send him murderers?"

"And rapists," Nona says. "Add in a few child molesters, too."

"Decim is not qualified to judge those kinds of souls," Castra says. "That pair of murderers from before was one thing, but I can't just start sending him more souls like that. He won't be able to handle it."

"I'll get you more sake," Nona says.

xXx

.

She's on her way to watch him when she sees Ginti at the bar.

"You kept this chick?" Ginti says. He is staring at Chiyuki's mannequin. Nona stops, then hides behind a column.

"I like to remember all my guests," Decim says, and Nona can see how Decim watches when Ginti examines her. The way he looks at her is almost predatory: he circles the mannequin once, then twice, looking her up and down.

"You really did a number on this one. She's even wearing her old clothes."

"Please do not touch that," Decim says, but Ginti pokes at her, curiously.

"Is this lipstick?" Ginti says. He jabs a thumb at the mannequin's mouth. "Oh damn," Ginti says. "It _is_."

Decim strides toward him. Nona has never seen him walk so briskly. He rounds toward Ginti and yanks back his hand.

"Oi!" Ginti says.

"I asked you not to touch her," Decim says.

"It's just a dummy, idiot, I'm not doing anything."

Nona sees Decim's jaw tighten. "Chiyuki-san was a dear and treasured guest," Decim says. "I only ask that you respect my friend."

"Friend?" Ginti whirls around. "The hell are you talking about? She was just a human."

"I have great respect for those who live fulfilled lives," Decim says. "Chiyuki-san was one such guest. She has helped me understand what it means to be human."

Ginti rubs his temple, exasperated.

"The other arbiters are talking about you," Ginti says. "Says you're just sitting here reincarnating everybody! I told them you weren't that much of an idiot. Apparently I was wrong."

"Thank you for your concern," Decim says. "But I assure it is not warranted."

"Oh really?" Ginti says. He points at the mannequin. "Then what the hell is this?"

"I keep mannequins of all my guests," Decim says.

"You store most of them in the back, not dress them up and sit them behind the bar!"

Nona can see it. The slightest tensing of the muscle of Decim's jaw.

"If this is just a mannequin," Ginti says, and he plucks the dolls Decim had placed in Chiyuki's hands, "You wouldn't care if I did this, would you?"

"Please do not touch that," Decim says.

"What if I did this?" Ginti says. He flaps Chiyuki's arms, grotesquely.

"Stop that," Decim says. Ginti grins.

"What are you gonna do?" Ginti says, and knocks the dummy on the ground. Decim's eyes widen as the dummy clatters, loudly.

"Whoops."

A chair slams just a few inches from Ginti's head. Ginti startles.

"I asked you not to touch her," Decim says. Ginti grins.

"We gonna do this?" Ginti says. He rolls up his sleeve. "'Cause I haven't had a good workout in months."

xXx

.

Nona stands, shocked. She has never seen Decim fight like this. Wires shoot out but Ginti counters them, spinning into a roundhouse kick that Decim blocks with a whip of hard string, slamming into him. Bullets of water spray in every direction.

"Oi," Ginti says. "You're really starting to piss me off!" And he breaks into a run. Furniture slams passed him, but Ginti ducks, dodges. One full flip forward, slamming into Chiyuki's mannequin.

String whips outward, throwing Ginti on the ground.

"A-agh." Ginti wheezes. Wire shoots out, tight around his neck. Ginti struggles. The wires tighten further.

"That's enough," Nona says. She steps out from the shadows, arms crossed. "Decim, let him go."

Decim glances at Ginti a moment, then retracts the wires. Ginti pitches forward, coughing hard.

The mannequin is lying on the ground, limbs askew and clothes disheveled. Decim ignores them both, kneeling gently and lifting the dummy against his chest.

"Decim," Nona says, but Decim is already walking away from her, straightening out Chiyuki's mannequin and repositioning her on the chair.

"I'm terribly sorry," Decim says. He isn't looking at her. "I regret that you had to see that."

He carefully places the dolls in Chiyuki's hands.

xXx

.

"Where's Oculus?" Nona says. "I need to talk to him."

"Didn't you know?" Clavis says. "Oculus has gone down to see Decim."

_Shit_, Nona thinks, and she rushes out the elevator doors.

xXx

.

"Ah, Nona," Oculus says. He's sitting at Decim's bar, holding up a drink. "You've come here to hear my judgment."

"You old flower head! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Nona says.

"Decim, would you like to tell her?" Oculus says. Decim bows, deeply.

"I am terribly sorry," Decim says. "But it seems as though my adjudications have been inadequate."

"That's right," Oculus says. His eyes glitter.

"Oi," Nona says. "If you're doing what I think you're doing-"

"You're right," Oculus says. "We are sending Decim to the Void. We have no use for broken arbiters here."

Oculus stands, motioning for Decim to follow him.

"Wait," Nona says, and she whirls around, eyes widening as Decim follows Oculus to the elevators. "Decim, what the hell?"

"I am going to the elevator," Decim says, and Nona slaps him across the head.

"Idiot! They're going to send you to the Void!"

"I know," Decim says. She can't see his eyes.

"And you're just going to let them?" Nona stare sat him incredulously. "Ugh! When I implanted human emotions in you I should have also implanted some common sense. _Sleep_," Nona says, and Decim drops to the floor.

xXx

.

"What exactly are you doing?" Oculus says. They're standing around Decim's body. Decim is splayed out on the ground, face-down and unconscious. Nona turns, crossing her arms.

"He's my arbiter. You can't just dismantle him like that," Nona says.

"I told you. Human emotions ruin them. Your arbiter has been completely useless," Oculus says.

"He isn't useless!" Nona says. "He sent the last few guests to the void, I saw him-"

"Rapists and murderers, that wasn't judgment," Oculus says. "His emotions are keeping him from doing his job. He is becoming too unstable."

Nona's mind goes back to the fight with Ginti. Oculus strokes his beard.

"Give it up, Nona," Oculus says, and he moves past her, hitting the button to the elevator. "Your experiment failed."

"Wait," Nona says. She rushes in front of him, blocking the elevator door.

"What if we send him to the human world?" Nona says. Oculus laughs cruelly.

"And why would I do that?" Oculus says.

"Because we could study him," Nona says. "An arbiter with human emotions! You can't just discard all the work I've done with him!"

"What work?" Oculus says. "All you've done is tainted him. If you send him to earth, he'll only get worse."

"We're made up of souls that come from the void. Aren't you the least bit interested to see how he he'd do?"

"Of course not," Oculus says, and he pushes past her. Nona runs around him, blocking his path.

"How about this," Nona says. "We make a bet. We'll send him to the human world, and we'll see what happens. If he comes back untainted, we'll know I was right."

"And if not?" Oculus says.

"I'll be your personal slave," Nona says. "You can do whatever you want with me.

You could even send me to the void, if you wanted to."

Oculus considers. The blossom of his beard pulses, silently.

"Only one cycle," Oculus says. "After he dies, he bypasses judgment and goes straight to the Void. "

"Agreed," Nona says. Oculus starts to leave, then turns.

"Nona," Oculus says, and his mouth stretches into a lazy grin. "You like to play your games, don't you?"

"That's because I'm so good at them," Nona says. Oculus laughs mirthlessly, leaving Decim's body on the ground.

xXx

.

2.

"Decim. Oi, Decim."

Decim's eyes blink into focus. Nona is standing over him. He is lying on the floor.

"Where am I?" Decim says.

"Before you ask any other questions," Nona says, and points at Chiyuki's body, slumped over the bathtub. "You probably want to take care of that, first."

Decim's eyes widen. He pushes past Nona, grabbing Chiyuki's body by the shoulders and pulling her on the ground.

Nona perches at the corner of the bathroom, watching with mild disinterest as Decim struggles with Chiyuki's body. One hand falls limply down the bathtub, making a streak of red blood on the procelain, and her head makes a sickening _thwack_ as he struggles to pull off his bowtie and tie it into a tourniquet. There's blood on his shirt and hands as he ties it tight around Chiyuki's arm.

"You know how to do compressions, right?" Nona says, and Decim starts pounding on her chest, frantic, hard and fast. "Lucky for you, she's only been dead a few seconds. If you don't want to waste my kindness, you should really try your best to save her."

"Chiyuki-san!" There is the sound of ribs cracking. Hair swings wildly as he pounds on her chest. "Chiyuki-san, please-"

"You should probably call an ambulance," Nona says, and Decim throws a glance at her, then lurches upward, stumbling out into the hallway and trying to find a phone. "You remember the address, right?"

"Yes, I need an ambulance." Decim's voice is low. "Please, hurry."

"Decim, compressions," Nona says, and Decim drops the phone.

xXx

.

He's sitting in the waiting room. Nona sits next to him, frowning a little at Decim's unkempt appearance. His hair is disheveled and the collar of his shirt is open, tie hanging loosely around his neck. The human's blood is on his clothes.

"I do not understand what is happening," Decim says.

"Isn't it obvious?" Nona says. "The human was dead for only a few seconds. Not that much time has passed."

"But I judged her to be reincarnated," Decim says.

"Well she hasn't been reincarnated yet, has she?" Nona says.

"I do not understand," Decim says again, but a nurse steps into the waiting room. She's carrying a folded scrub top and pants.

"Would you like to change?" the nurse says. She doesn't see Nona, speaking only to him: "It's only hospital scrubs, but it's better than those blood-stained clothes."

"Thank you," Decim says, and he takes the folded scrubs carefully. Nona waits until the nurse leaves before speaking again.

"So? Do you get what's going on yet?" Nona says.

"No," Decim says. Nona sighs, tragically.

"Bonehead. They were going to send you to the Void," Nona says, and she sees Decim's grip on the hospital scrubs tighten, slightly. "I had them send you to the human world instead."

"Thank you very much," Decim says automatically, but his voice is weak. Nona stands, facing him.

"It's only for one life cycle," Nona says. "After this, you go directly to the Void. You will not be given judgment. Do you understand?" Nona says.

"Yes," Decim says. "Thank you very much."

"Oi! Try to sound a little more excited! I did you a huge favor here."

"I apologize," Decim says. "I am terribly grateful."

And then he starts to cry. Nona stares at him, dumbstruck.

"Why are you crying now? Nothing's happening," Nona says.

"Forgive me," Decim says. "I was not prepared to see Chiyuki-san like this."

"You have her memories. You know she committed suicide."

"I'm terribly sorry," Decim says.

"Ugh," Nona says. "You are seriously making me regret giving you human emotions, you know that?"

"W-what?"

"Nothing, you idiot. Just stop crying," Nona says, and she hands him a tissue.

xXx

.

3.

"He's living with humans? _Seriously_?"

Ginti is staring at her as if she's sprouted two heads, but Nona shrugs, elegantly. "Oi, this isn't because of what happened with the mannequin, right?"

"Of course not," Nona says. "And you'd better mind Quin while you're here, too. She's not like Decim. She won't tolerate your brand of idiocy."

"I can't believe they're making me do this again!" Quin complains, loudly and to anybody who would listen.

"It's temporary. It's only until they make another arbiter," Nona says.

"But _still_," Quin says. Ginti swirls a drink, glowering.

"This sucks," Ginti says. "Who am I gonna talk to, now?"

"Oh? Decim meant that much to you?"

"Shut up," Ginti says. He downs another shot.

Later that night, Nona walks up to Castra's viewing room, where Castra lets her keep watch on Decim. It's habit as far as Nona's concerned, watching over her pet project and tracking how much he's grown.

"You should probably give them some privacy," Castra chides her, but Nona shrugs, nonplussed.

"It's not the first time I've seen humans mate," Nona says. But Decim isn't human, which is why it holds her interest.

"Aren't they cute," Castra says, and she switches off the monitor. Nona frowns and watches the red streak of souls as they drift toward them, falling down like so much snow.


	3. Bra

.

.

It's not the first time he's seen Chiyuki take off her bra, but it is the first time it lands so close to him; the bra drops unceremoniously next to his right leg, and Decim takes the opportunity to ball it up in his hand.

Chiyuki doesn't notice. She's too busy kissing him, hands cupping both sides of his face as if she's tilting over a bowl of soup, and he feels her pushing herself up to straddle his lap.

He has never seen a bra up close before. His guests' clothes always disappeared when they departed the elevators, so Decim had to sew their clothes as he remembered them. He's sewn fitted leggings and colored tights, stitched together A-line dresses and handmade bags, but underwear itself served no purpose when dressing mannequins.

She's grinding on him, breathing hard and sucking on his neck, but Decim looks at the satin cups of fabric and wonders how they keep their shape.

"Hey," Chiyuki says. He feels her hand slide into his shirt. "I'm over here."

"My apologies," Decim says. He turns to face her, but throws a quick glance at the bra on the bed.

"Decim."

"Hm?"

"Are you looking at my bra?"

Decim blinks. "Am I not supposed to?"

"I-" Chiyuki opens her mouth, but seems to think the better of it, then just shakes her head and climbs off of him.

Decim takes it as an opportunity to pluck the bra off the bedspread. It really is wonderfully built: the two cups are firm but pliant, and the straps have just enough give in them to allow a certain amount of shoulder movement.

"You know, most guys would be more interested in what's going on up here," Chiyuki says.

"Oh. My apologies. You have lovely breasts," Decim says.

"At least sound a little more enthusiastic," Chiyuki says, and she sits beside him. The underwire makes him frown, however: he doesn't even have to take it apart to know that the wire is thick and sharp enough to cut through skin, if it weren't padded under a layer of fabric.

"The wire in here puzzles me," Decim says. He picks up the bra, showing her. "I do not understand its purpose."

"It keeps things from moving," Chiyuki says.

"Will you demonstrate this for me?" Decim says. She looks at him incredulously.

"You want me to put it back on?"

"If you please," Decim says. Chiyuki frowns.

She puts the bra back on. Her breasts make pleasant half-moons spilling out of the cups, and he can see the movement of her ribcage against the underwire.

"Why are your breasts pressed up like that?" Decim says. Chiyuki glances at her cleavage.

"Oh, this? It's a pushup bra. It's supposed to do that," Chiyuki says.

"Is that not uncomfortable?" Decim says. Chiyuki shrugs.

"It's not that bad. Half the time I don't even notice it."

He reaches around her back and plucks at the clasp. The bra snaps off and her breasts drop back into the familiar teardrop shape he's used to seeing. He smiles.

"I like your breasts better this way," Decim says.

Her body is endlessly fascinating to him; unlike his mannequins, with their ball joints and stiff limbs, Chiyuki's body moves like a muscled ribbon. She pads around the room and towels off her hair, and Decim can see how the muscles of her shoulders and back stretch and contract with the movement.

They don't have sex. Decim doesn't mind, because she lets him hug her while she lies next to him. She shifts and drapes her body on top of his, her head on his chest and one leg curling over his pelvis, and it makes Decim feel tired and happy. He wraps his arms around her and closes his eyes.


	4. Decim and the movie (NC-17)

_Author's note: this was originally published separately under the story, "Wanting." Unlike AO3, FFN doesn't allow users to group stories as a series, so I'm adding this chapter here for completeness' sake. _

* * *

.

She comes home late from work, and when she unlocks the door the apartment is dark except for the light of the television flickering softly in the livingroom.

"I'm home," Chiyuki says. She slips out of her shoes and sets down her purse. "Decim?"

She finds him sitting on the couch, a blanket around his shoulders and his knees tucked up against his chin. His eyes are red and swollen, and tissues are scattered all over the couch on the floor.

"Oh," Decim says, and there are tears in his voice. "Welcome back."

_Oh no_, she thinks and she rushes toward the couch. She wraps her arms around his shoulders, hugging him. "What's going on?"

He doesn't answer right away, just sniffs miserably against her shirt. She kisses his forehead and rubs his back, soothingly. "Is everything okay?"

"I am sad," Decim says, and she notices the movie playing on the TV. "There was a little girl that died. Her brother could not save her."

"What is this?" Chiyuki says, and she picks up the DVD case: _Grave of the Fireflies_. She frowns.

"You really shouldn't be watching this stuff by yourself," Chiyuki says.

"I'm terribly sorry."

"No, it's okay, I should have warned you." She gives him a little squeeze, then fluffs his hair, fondly. "You know, you look worse than you did that time in the void," Chiyuki says, and Decim lifts his eyes.

She kisses him gently, open-mouthed and tender, as she brushes away his tears with her thumbs. His eyes close, and she feels his hands rest against her waist. Carefully she climbs up on his lap and takes his face in her hands.

The kiss deepens. She feels him sigh into her mouth, and when she kisses him again she feels the tip of his tongue gently probe her mouth.

The blanket falls. She pulls off her shirt with one smooth motion before leaning forward, lets him unhook the clasp of her bra and slide his hands up against her ribs and around her breasts. They kiss harder and she feels his thumbs rolling her nipples.

She leans forward and grinds against him, the cupped friction of his hardness against her clit making her muscles clench. Quickly she wraps her arms around his shoulders and pulls him on top of her, wrapping her legs around his back and grinding up against his body. Her pants are still on and he's still wearing clothes.

They're at an awkward angle on the couch. Her head bumps against the armrest and she hears Decim murmur a quiet, "I'm sorry," before he pulls her down against the cushion. Balls of damp tissues fall on the floor.

"Decim." She's wet and needy and she arches her pelvis up against him. "Let's go to bed."

"Okay."

He's mouthing the side of her neck. She groans.

"C'mon, let's go. The couch is uncomfortable."

"I'm terribly sorry."

"It's okay."

They kiss again. He presses into her and her hand knocks into the box of tissues.

"Decim," she says, but he's licking her nipple now, and twiddling the other one with his index finger and thumb. "_Mm_. C'mon, let's move."

"Can we not just do it here?"

"On the couch?" Chiyuki cranes her neck up to look at him.

"On the floor," he says, and she groans a little as he slips a hand between her legs, the pads of his fingers stroking her.

She makes a snap decision: "Pants," she says. She lifts her hips and he tugs her pants down, one pant leg catching around her ankle. She moves and helps him pull at his shirt, then his pants. Her eyes widen a little at the sight of him, because he's not just erect. He's standing straight up, stiff and leaking, and without a beat he reaches a hand to position himself at her entrance.

"...I thought we were going to do this on the floor?" she says, but he slides up inside her with one smooth stroke, their bodies half off the couch.

"I'm terribly sorry." He's already moving, panting softly. "I wanted to feel you."

"That's okay," she smiles at him, "Just help me up, I'm sliding down.

_Oh_," she says, because the new position has the full weight of his body against her clit. "Is this okay for you?" she asks, breathless. Her body jerks, a sudden jolt of pleasure. He hoists her tighter.

"...Yes."

"Okay," she says.

She wraps her arms around his back, one leg pushing up against the floor, trying to keep their bodies from sliding down.

And then they hear it: a long, slow, agonized wail.

"The movie is still playing," she says, and they both look up at the TV and the little boy crying over his sister's dead body. "Where's the remote?"

But Decim is staring. Chiyuki wriggles out from under him - he's lying between her legs and she's pinned down against the couch by his pelvis - and she tries not to laugh at him when she sees his eyes fill with more tears.

"Decim!" she says, and she swats at his shoulder.

"I'm terribly sorry," Decim says. A tear rolls down his cheek.

"Oh no, oh no, don't do this." Chiyuki groans and bangs her head against his shoulder.

"We can still keep going," Decim says, but there are tears in his voice and he's openly crying now. He looks so lost and so sad, Chiyuki feels a little bit bad for yelling at him.

"I'm not going make you have sex with me when you're crying like that," Chiyuki says. She pulls the blanket over the both of them before giving him a hug and then a chaste little kiss. "You owe me later, though. I'd say you owe me big time."

"I'm terribly sorry," he says.

"That's okay," she says, and she hoists him up against her chest and kisses the top of his head.


	5. Ginti on the move

.

.

"Why are we here?" Ginti says, but Nona motions for him to shut the hell up, clutching her knapsack and peering around the corner.

It's night time in the human world, and Nona easily slips into Decim's apartment. Quietly she opens the door and nods for Ginti to follow her.

Decim is asleep, curled around the human's body. She wasn't expecting the human there, but then again, she's made this trip several times without waking anyone up, it shouldn't pose a problem.

Except that Ginti is with her instead of Clavis, and he had about the same subtlety and finesse as a drunken bull.

"Ow! Shit-" Ginti whacks his knee against a table. "Why are we doing this?"

"Because it's more convenient," Nona says. "We can hold a lot more stuff at Decim's apartment, so I don't have to make as many trips."

"Ugh," Ginti says, and he hefts his bag.

Nona's things are stored in a closet at the back of Decim's bedroom - probably not the most convenient of places, but then again, Nona didn't give him warning she would be coming. She had just assumed he wouldn't be home, since he'd been with the human the last few times she's done this.

"What do you think they're doing?" Ginti says. He's standing over Decim's bed.

"Idiot, you'll wake them up!"

"Huh," Ginti says, and he squats down. "The human doesn't have any clothes on."

"Hey, idiot, focus," Nona says. The human's eyes blink open.

The human shrieks. Ginti yelps and jumps back while Decim jerks awake, and the human screams, jumping out of the bed and yanking up the covers screaming.

"Dammit, Ginti," Nona says, and she snaps her fingers. "_Sleep_."

And the human drops face-down on the ground.

xXx

.

Nona frowns as Ginti goes around ransacking Decim's apartment, tossing in bottles of liquor and random other items that seem to be of interest: a women's magazine, a bag of candy. Two sets of candles and one of the human's bras.

"Sorry about that," Nona says. "I owe a lot of favors and I needed someone to help me carry my things. Dumb ol' Ginti was as good as any."

"Whoa," Ginti says. He pulls the bra like an accordion. "What the hell is this?"

"It's a bra, idiot, put it back." Nona snatches the bra from him, then turns back to Decim.

"Don't worry," Nona says. "I'll wipe her memories before we're gone."

But Decim isn't listening. When the human fell, he had jumped up quicker than Nona has ever seen him move, leaping out from the bed and grabbing the human from the floor. Now Nona watches as he carefully scoops her up and sets her back on the bed. He kneels beside her, a protective movement. There is an errant strand on her face, which he brushes back, absently.

"Nona-san," Decim says.

"What?" Nona says. Behind her, Ginti sniffs at a bottle of lotion, stuffing it in the bag. Decim hesitates a moment, then straightens his shoulders, slightly.

"I was wondering if you would permit us some privacy," Decim says.

"Why?" Nona says. Ginti stuffs a pillow into the bag.

"Chiyuki-san and I are intimate," Decim says. Behind them, Ginti drops the bag and hoots.

"'Intimate'?" Ginti says. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It's the reason why she was naked," Nona says.

"Ew," Ginti says.

"Quiet," Nona says. She turns to Decim, curiously.

"So what's it like, mating with a human? I've always been curious. Over half our judgments have to do with sex. Is it really as good as they say it is?"

"Yes," Decim says, solemnly.

"_Puke,_" Ginti says.

"I thought I told you to shut up," Nona says, and she snaps her fingers. Ginti drops like a rock, the knapsack and all the stuff inside it clattering on the floor.

"You know, I honestly didn't think anything would come of it, but look at you," Nona says. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were just a regular human."

"Thank you very much," Decim says, bowing. Nona's mouth quirks.

"Ginti wouldn't consider that a compliment," Nona says.


	6. Ginti on the move, Part 2

.

.

"This really fucking sucks."

Ginti knocks his flashlight against the wall, grumbling to himself. He's supposed to be judging right now, not slumming it in the human world playing fucking errand boy for Nona. _ "I forgot the vermouth!" Nona said._

_"Don't you realize I have better things to do?" Ginti said. _

_"Like what? Hanging out at the bar and polishing your dolls?"_

_"They're kokeshi," Ginti said. "And yeah, I can think of about a million other things better to do."_

_"Like what? It's not as if you have any friends. Even your stupid cat left you," Nona said._

"Memine didn't leave, she's just wandering, for fuck's sakes." Ginti glares and knocks the flashlight in the palm of his hand. "_Shit_." The light flickers on, slowly.

The vermouth is where Nona had last left it: on the kitchen table, except with a sticky note stuck on the bottle. Ginti glares and shines the flashlight on the note. _For Nona_. It's Decim's stupid handwriting, too.

"Fuck," Ginti says, and he shoves the bottle in the bag. Where the hell is Decim, anyway? It irritates him how much humans need to sleep. Not that Decim is human, but still.

"Goddammit, why'd I have to come back to this fucking place." He pushes open the bedroom door and stows away his flashlight.

Decim's sleeping next to the human woman again. He shines a flashlight in the woman's face. Ginti doesn't get it. It's not like she's anything special. Just a stupid human woman stupid Decim couldn't judge, even looking at her stupid face just pisses him off.

"AHHHH!" The woman screams. Ginti rears back.

"AHHH!" Ginti says. "WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?!"

Decim just sits up and just stares.

xXx

.

They're sitting in the kitchen, Ginti and the woman, while Decim pours them tea. "So why's she so pissed off anyway?" Ginti says.

"I'm sitting right here," Chiyuki says.

"Well it's not like the first time when your titties were all hanging out," Ginti says. Chiyuki's eyes widen.

"...Oh. _Shit._ I forgot Nona erased her memories," Ginti says.

"Decim, what does he mean 'the first time,'" Chiyuki says. "And what did he mean, 'when my titties were all hanging out'?"

"Nona and Ginti came by and saw you naked the first time," Decim says. "You were distraught, so they decided it would be best to erase your memories."

"_What?_"

"Yes, you were quite distraught," Decim says. "That is why Nona decided it would be best if you just forgot about the whole incident."

"_And you just let them?_"

"Calm down. No one cares about your titties, you're just a dumb human," Ginti says.

"I can't deal with this," Chiyuki says, and she storms out.

Decim looks distraught. "Perhaps I did something wrong...?"

"What? You mean by slumming it with the humans and signing up for all this bullshit? Yeah, you did a lot of things wrong." Ginti tosses back his tea, glaring. "Why don't you just get it over with and kill yourself, anyway? It's not like they're gonna keep you in the Void."

"What do you mean?" Decim says. Ginti sets down his cup.

"Asshole. I mean after you knock around the void a little bit they're just gonna fix you up and bring you back as an arbiter. You know. Do a memory re-write or download new subroutines or whatever-the-fuck. Quin's doing a shitty job," Ginti says. "The bar's gone to crap since you've left."

"I see," Decim says. Ginti pours himself another cup of tea.

"I don't get why you like it here so much anyway," Ginti says. "All these stupid humans and their stupid faces. I just want to Void all of them."

"There are many small pleasures," Decim says. "Do you know what it's like to feel sunlight?"

"Obviously not, because sunlight is for humans and humans are substandard." Ginti leans back and crosses his arms.

xXx

.

"How is Decim?" Nona says, and Ginti hands her the bag.

"He's out of his fucking mind," Ginti says. "Said something about being in love with a stupid human and it's a shame I don't understand. Pfft. Idiot. He should have just thrown her in the void when he had the chance."

Nona holds out the bag. "What is this?" she says.

"It's the tea and shit Decim gave me. What else?" Ginti says. Nona's eyes narrow. "_What."_

"You forgot the vermouth."


	7. Forgetting

.

.

He's starting to forget her memories.

At first it's little things: the color of her favorite cup when she was in preschool, or the kind of flowers that grew along the bike path she took to school. Before he could close his eyes and sift through her memories like a rolodex, each moment of her life coming up with perfect clarity. Now they are hazy and faded, distant half-lived things; the stripped-down framework of a house built on sand.

The clock ticks; in the dark, Decim can make out the shapes of shadows and the soft slope of her shoulder as she sleeps. With each movement, he can count the folds of blanket that crease along the shape of her body in the bed, and he can't help but feel a familiar ache. Memories of him standing at the foot of the bed, watching her sleep. The memories of their time in Quindecim are the strongest; he can still remember every smile, every errant touch and happy gesture, even if he can't remember the games or the guests or the other day-to-day goings-on around them. Even if he forgets everything about Chiyuki's past, at least the memories of their time together will remain.

_She is five years-old. It is raining. She wears an orange raincoat and laughs as she jumps into puddles, splashing her mother and waving her hands._

_Now she is eight years-old, and she rests her cheek against the car door window, watching the rain sluicing down the angled glass._

_And then she is twelve, someone stole her umbrella, she sits under the awning of the school, wondering where it is._

xXx

.

Something wakes her from sleep. Chiyuki's eyes blink open - _it better not be Ginti_ \- but there is nothing but the ticking of the clock and the soft night sounds outside. Rolling on her back, she stretches, reaching a hand toward Decim's side of the bed, only to find it is empty. Frowning, she slides the palm of her hand on the sheets to find that they are cool to the touch; he had left the bed a while ago.

There is a halo of orange lamplight down the hallway, and Chiyuki makes her way to the kitchen, where Decim is sitting at the table, writing in a notebook.

"What are you doing?" She wraps the bathrobe tight around herself (who knows who else is there), and peers over his shoulder. "Is that for Nona?"

"No," Decim says. It's not until Chiyuki looks closer that she sees it:

He has filled the notebook with memories. Page after page, in neat little rows. The name of her homeroom teacher. The billboards along the skating rink. Each carefully cataloged and annotated, there is at least a dozen notebooks, each notebook separated by year.

"I am starting to forget," Decim says, and he turns to look at her. He looks exhausted. There are dark circles under his eyes, and his hair falls in limp strands over his face. "I wanted to write things down while I could remember."

She looks at the stack of notebooks beside him, frowning. It must have taken him several days to write down that much, and she wonders how many nights he had spent doing this.

"I don't understand," Chiyuki says. "You're losing your memories?" Decim shakes his head.

"I'm forgetting yours," he says. She rubs her hand along the back of his neck - a comforting, soothing motion - and sits next to him.

"You could just ask me, you know," Chiyuki says.

"Eh?"

"If there's something you can't remember," Chiyuki says. Decim shakes his head.

"You are important to me," Decim says. "I want to save what is important."

"Knowing that I used to eat omelet rice at the corner cafe is important?"

"Yes," Decim says. Chiyuki sighs and drapes her arms over his shoulders.

"Come to bed," Chiyuki says. "Omelet rice is overrated."

"I am almost finished," Decim says. Chiyuki picks a notebook, frowning and flipping through the pages.

"You know, the level of detail in here is almost scary," Chiyuki says. "If I didn't know any better, I would think that you were stalking me."

"I'm terribly sorry," Decim says. "I do not mean to cause you any distress."

"I'm just kidding, geez." She kisses the side of his cheek, then straightens. "I'm going back to bed. You sure you're not going to be tired tomorrow?"

"I am fine," he says. "I must write down everything while I still remember."

She's half-asleep when she feels him press against her back a few hours later. 

xXx

.

He's asleep at the table when she finds the last notebook: their time at Quindecim. Though he was fairly certain he would not forget _those_ memories - because they happened to him, in the first-person - he really didn't have to write any of those down, but he was afraid that, like everything else, he might even start forgetting those memories as well.

It reads like a diary. At first, it is a list of things - the guests they entertain, the drinks he made for them - and a careful catalog of her reactions. But as the pages progress, there is more confusion and uncertainty, so much so that Chiyuki has to close the notebook, because reading it feels like a violation of him.

She sets the notebook aside. Then she drapes a blanket over his shoulders, bending over to press a soft kiss against his cheek, before quietly switching off the lamp.


	8. A Surprise

.

.

She's sleeping more these days. At first, Decim pays no heed - it is not unusual for humans to sometimes feel tired - but the few late mornings stretch into missed work days, and he starts to feel worried.

"I'm just a little tired," Chiyuki says. She lies listlessly on the couch, hugging a pillow to her chest. "I'm sorry, I know you want to go out..."

"I do not mind," Decim says. He sits down next to her and presses a hand to her forehead.

She doesn't eat much. He watches as she pushes around her food with her chopsticks, the bowl of rice sitting next to her, untouched. He tries cooking her favorite foods and when that doesn't work, buys the curry she likes from the convenience store. But Chiyuki just shakes her head, smiling weakly at him. "I'm sorry, Decim, I just don't have much of an appetite."

She has no fever. She is not sick. There is a nagging voice in the back of his mind, and it's only after two weeks go by that it hits him:

She was like this in the days leading up to her suicide.

"What? I'm not depressed." Chiyuki manages to look offended, except that there are dark circles under her eyes and she does not have the same energy. "I'm just a little tired. It's probably the weather. I'm fine."

"Please come with me to a doctor," Decim says. She rolls over, pulling the covers over her head.

"Please come with me to a doctor," Decim says, again. "You are not eating. You have not gone into work and you do not go outside-"

"I promise you, I'm fine."

"Please," Decim says. "Come with me to a doctor."

Chiyuki pulls down the covers. "Ugh. You are such a broken record," Chiyuki says. "Fine."

"You will come with me to a doctor?"

"Yeah, I will, just let me sleep, okay?"

He pulls her into a hug. Chiyuki is about to protest, but he is holding her tighter than usual, pressing his face against her shoulder. 

xXx

.

Blood and urine. Chiyuki sighs and bangs the paper cup against her leg, standing outside the bathroom.

Decim sits straighter than usual in the waiting room, watching silently as Chiyuki sits in the phlebotomist's chair and gets her blood drawn. His eyes fall on the tourniquet around her arm, and reflexively his mind snaps back to _that time_, how he fumbled with his bowtie and how his hands were shaking as he pulled it taut around her forearm.

"Well, we'll run some tests, check your iron levels and your thyroid. Certain diseases may manifest themselves as excess fatigue, but let's rule out the more common things, first." The doctor swivels around in her chair.

"Are you sexually active?"

"Yes," Chiyuki says.

"Okay. And what do you use for birth control?"

Chiyuki's eyes widen. Decim glances at her, not fully understanding.

"We can't," Chiyuki says. "It's impossible. He's-"

_Not human,_ she's about to say, but she manages to stop herself.

They sit in the waiting room. Chiyuki fidgets next to him, frowning.

"I can't remember when my period was," Chiyuki says. She looks up at Decim, wondering. "Do you?"

"I do not," Decim says. "What is making you so worried?"

Chiyuki doesn't answer. She hunches into herself, crossing her arms.

"Can arbiters have children?" she asks, lowly. Decim shakes his head.

"Not that I am aware," Decim says. "We are only dolls." Chiyuki nods, quickly.

"Maybe I'm anemic," Chiyuki says.

"That would not be good," Decim says. "That would mean your blood counts are too low." 

xXx

.

"Well, your blood counts are good and your thyroid's okay, and your iron levels are within normal limits," the doctor says. "We also checked a pregnancy test, and the urine dipstick came back positive."

"W-what?" Chiyuki stares.

"You're pregnant," the doctor says. 

xXx

.

He's hugging her so tight he's crushing against her ribs.

"D-decim."

He holds her even tighter.

"...I can't breathe."

"Oh." He lets go. "I'm terribly sorry."

"That's okay," Chiyuki says. He hugs her again. She laughs. "You can't stop hugging me, can you?"

"I am very happy," he says.

The doctor is standing at the foot of the medical bay. She smiles.

"Congratulations to you both."


	9. Decim initiates (NC-17)

.

.

She's sleeping when she feels it: an unsure hand brushing against her stomach.

A moment passes. Quietly she feels him shift behind her, the hand on her stomach caressing her with a firmer touch. She feels him lean her close, then press a feather-light kiss on the nape of her neck.

Chiyuki holds her breath. They've been doing this sort of thing for a while now, but Chiyuki's always been the one to initiate it. ("You know, you're allowed to," Chiyuki told him, but Decim just reddened and stammered that he would never want to trouble her.) She feels an obvious and growing arousal pressed up against her, and she grins, giddy as a school girl.

And then he stops. Chiyuki wants to yell at him to keep going, but she's curious to see how far he'll go.

So she doesn't move. Fingertips trail down the side of her waist and over her hip, and he's leaving small kisses into her hair.

Chiyuki shifts. It's impossible not to squeeze her thighs together, not to grab his hand and press it between her legs (which would undoubtedly mortify Decim, who would freeze and stop everything he's doing and just lie there, at least until she would sigh and shake her head, climbing on top of him), but she manages a modicum of self-control, steadies her breathing. She feels his hand move, making a hesitant trek up the side of her waist and over her breast; he hovers, then lightly circles her nipple over the fabric of her shirt.

Chiyuki quivers. She feels him shift her body closer to him - wow, he's really hard - and run his hand down from her breast back to her stomach, gently sliding between her legs. He kisses her shoulder, and she feels the pad of his middle finger pressing against her clit, stroking her over her panties.

He's getting good at this, Chiyuki thinks, and she closes her eyes, rocking her body against his touch. He's stroking her more firmly now, and as she arches into his hand, her body gives an involuntary _jerk jerk_, and Chiyuki inhales sharply.

The sound startles him. He snatches his hand away.

"I-I'm terribly sorry-"

"It's okay, I liked it. I was going to come." She turns around to face him. He's lying completely still now, keeping an embarrassed space between their bodies. Chiyuki kisses his cheek and cuddles against him, reassuringly. "I like it when you initiate this. You should do this more often."

"I did not mean to wake you," Decim says, and Chiyuki sighs hopelessly.

"Decim, I liked it."

"You were asleep. I am ashamed."

"Feel this," Chiyuki says, and she grabs his hand. "See how wet I am? My underwear is soaked."

"I'm terribly sorry," Decim says again. Chiyuki sighs and flops over, next to him.

"What are we going to do about this, then?" Chiyuki says, and she pointedly grips his erection over his pants.

"Please do not trouble yourself," Decim says. "It will go down momentarily."

He looks pretty ridiculous, lying stiff and straight with his erection poking out of the blanket. Chiyuki wants to laugh, but she knows it will hurt his feelings. "Can I ask you something?" Chiyuki says. She leans against his arm. "Did you ever get like this when you were an arbiter?"

"On occasion," Decim says. She brushes her thumb along the ridges of his hardness, thoughtfully.

"I guess that makes sense. You guys had to eat and use the bathroom." She remembers how Decim would bow and apologize before using the toilet, asking her to watch over the bar. "Did you ever masturbate?" she asks. She's tugging at the waistband of his pants.

"No," Decim says.

"Really?" Chiyuki says. "I guess that makes sense."

She frees his erection, which is hard and throbbing, a thin pearl of milky liquid beading up at the tip. She rubs her thumb along its head, spreading the wetness. "You're pretty hard," Chiyuki says.

"I'm terribly sorry," Decim says. She dips down and takes him into his mouth, hears him exhale, sharply.

He comes quicker than Chiyuki anticipates: a few sharp strokes of her mouth before he pulses suddenly; she makes a startled noise, swallowing quickly. Decim, for his part, seems mortified.

"Decim?"

"I-I'm terribly sorry. I did not mean to. I-"

Chiyuki cracks up. She laughs hard, hands on her belly and doubling over, as Decim looks at her, a parade of emotions on his face (embarrassment and mortification, mostly), and she allows him the dignity to pull up his pants.

"See? All you had to do is initiate." She leans against his chest, fondly. He rests his hand on her head.

"Would you like me to go down on you?" Decim says.

He always asks that question with full gravity and seriousness. Chiyuki grins and shakes her head.

"I'm okay. I think I need to change my panties, though."

"I'm terribly sorry."

She gives him a quick kiss and hops out of bed.

xXx

.

"I would like to initiate it," Decim says. Chiyuki raises her eyebrows.

"I would like to go down on you."

"I just changed my underwear," Chiyuki says, but she's smiling. He waits politely as she pulls off her shirt and undergarments, watching silently as she lies back on the bed, waiting for him.

Her body is fascinating to him. Her breasts are pleasantly soft, and he enjoys rolling her nipples with his thumbs. It's soothing to him, in fact. Like polishing a wine glass.

She's shifting her legs, and carefully Decim positions himself between her thighs. He takes a moment to study the wet pink slit in front of him. The nub of her clitoris. The soft pink folds. Gently he probes a finger into her vaginal opening and is pleased to feel its slippery wetness. When he pulls his finger out, there is a string of wetness that reminds him of one of his puppet wires.

"What are you looking at?" Chiyuki says. He lifts his eyes, sees her craning her neck to look at him.

"Oh. Forgive me, I was distracted." He leans in and gently mouths her clitoris. He hears her fall back, moaning softly.

She has a pleasant taste, salty and a little bitter, and as he gently sucks he notices how her clitoris hardens like a little nipple, growing pink and flushed.

She's rocking against his mouth. He takes that as a sign to press his tongue flat against her, pressing harder. Her breathing becomes more urgent. Taut. He feels her hand stroking his hair.

There is a series of strong, irregular contractions whenever she orgasms. It's interesting to him, watching her body arch and arch and arch until something snaps inside her, and she tips over into a paroxysm of rapid movement. Her stomach and hips jerk harshly, her head thrown back. Her mouth is open and slack as she orgasms, the top half of her body contracting forward. If she were a puppet, he would replicate the motion by pulling on a string once, twice, three times in rapid succession, waiting a moment, and then repeating it. An irregular staccato of movement. He watches until she falls back on the bed, panting quietly.

He delicately wipes off his mouth, then returns to his position on the bed. She feels warm when she leans into his arms.


	10. Decim's new job

.

.

1.

Because of Chiyuki's pregnancy, Decim starts taking extra shifts at the bar.

Before, Decim had only worked day shifts: he finished work at about the same time Chiyuki did; sometimes he would meet her at the skating rink, or she would meet him at the bar, and they would ride the train together. It suited Decim fine, as human work sometimes confused him; he would rather spend his time with her.

"What is this?" Chiyuki says. She looks at the trinket Decim hands her, frowning.

"The woman at the street corner sold it to me. She told me it was for good luck," Decim says.

"How much did you pay for it?" Chiyuki says. Decim tilts his head.

"It was a yellow bank note," Decim says. Chiyuki's eyes widen.

"Wait," Chiyuki says. "You paid ten thousand yen for this?"

"I was told it was for good luck," Decim says.

"Decim, you got ripped off." Chiyuki looks distraught. "I know you didn't mean to, but we have the baby to think about. We need to start saving," Chiyuki says.

Decim looks at the trinket and considers. "If I am able to make more money," Decim says. "Would it fix things?"

Chiyuki stares at him and doesn't answer.

xXx

.

He starts working the late shift. It causes him some distress, as he no longer sees Chiyuki: the shift begins at 5 PM, he leaves before she gets home; and when he comes back at 3 AM, he only sees her when she is asleep. The only time he is able to talk to her is if he can manage to be awake when she leaves for work in the morning.

Some days he works two shifts back-to-back, and on those days he never sees her at all.

xXx

.

There are too many customers, and all of them are drunk. Unruly and angry, they push and pull together in one heaving sweating mass, and the shouts for drinks and bar food is such that if Decim had his powers, they would all be tied with puppet string and flung together against the wall.

He staggers home well past closing, but he doesn't want to sleep. He sways a little but doesn't sit down, knowing his body well enough to realize that if he sits, he will fall asleep.

It's 7 AM when Chiyuki wakes to her alarm. He is at the foot of the bed, bizarrely awake and somehow managing to stave off his exhaustion. He waits as she blinks slowly, opening her eyes.

"Decim?"

He pulls her into a hug. It is an awkward one - she's still in bed and he's still standing - and his entire upper body drapes over hers like a sack of flour. "Mmm, I missed you. How was work?" Chiyuki says. He tucks his face into the crook of her shoulder. "That bad, huh?" she says.

He's starting to feel better. She gives him one last squeeze before pulling away from him, but he holds onto her tighter.

"Should I call out sick?" Chiyuki says. Decim straightens.

"Are you feeling ill?" Decim says.

"No, I just thought, maybe I could stay home?"

He catches the meaning. Chiyuki smiles.

xXx

.

2.

"So we need to get you a job that will make you more money." Nona chews on her lip and furrows her brow. "I wonder what job will suit you?"

Decim doesn't need to ask to know that Nona has been watching them. Nona made that point very clear the last time she came.

"You really shouldn't be doing that thing you did last night," Nona had said, apropos of nothing. Decim blinked.

"Thing?" Decim echoed.

"Cunnilingus," Nona said.

"What?!" Chiyuki said.

"Ugh," Nona said, and she snapped her fingers. Chiyuki went to sleep, whacking her head against the table.

"Oh, don't look at me like that, it's not like she'll remember," Nona said.

After Decim begged her to _please_ stop knocking out Chiyuki-san, she does not like being put to sleep, Nona finally got to the point of it:"Have you ever heard of an air embolism?" Nona said.

"I beg your pardon?"

Nona grinned wickedly. "It's what can kill a pregnant woman during oral sex," Nona said.

Decim's face went pale. Nona grinned, then stood, fluffing Chiyuki's hair as she walked passed him.

"We see lots of souls who die from it," Nona said. "You should probably look it up."

He went to the library and read all the books he could find on obstetrics; when he came across terms or concepts he didn't understand, he read different books to cover those.

"What are you doing?" Chiyuki said.

He was sitting at the table, pouring over the stacks of books he'd borrowed from the library. Each book had thick hard covers and easily over a thousand pages, and Chiyuki frowned reading the titles.

"Operative Obstetrics?" Chiyuki glanced at him. "The Clinician's Handbook of Maternal-Fetal Medicine?"

"I thought it best to familiarize myself with your condition," Decim said. At the time, he was still only working day shift; secretly he regrets wasting his nights reading textbooks when he could have been spending time with her.

xXx

.

"Geez, so what can you do?" Nona says. She's staring up at the ceiling, furrowing her brow. "You're technically an arbiter, but there's no way you could be a judge here. You'd be a terrible lawyer, you have no charisma."

"I can continue bartending," Decim says.

"Yeah, but then you're gonna get tainted, and I'm gonna lose my bet," Nona says.

"'Tainted'?" Chiyuki says.

"More human," Nona says. "You missed it the other night. Decim was gonna lose his shit."

"It was...frustrating," Decim says. Chiyuki rubs his back, soothingly.

"Ugh. This is terrible. Make me a drink or something, it'll help me think."

Decim stands. He pulls out the bottles from the cabinets, setting them quietly on the table.

"Where are you going?" Nona says, as Chiyuki rises. Chiyuki smiles at her apologetically.

"Sorry," Chiyuki says. "The smell of alcohol makes me nauseous."

"Again?" Nona says. "You already threw up twice this morning."

"How did you-" Chiyuki blinks, then touches her forehead. "Nevermind."

"It is actually quite common," Decim says, coming out from the back. He sets down Nona's drink, which tinkles, lightly. "Chiyuki-san has high levels of progesterone circulating within her body, which would interfere with the neuromuscular function of her GI tract. It is the reason why she is nauseous," Decim says.

Nona sets down her drink. "The hell are you talking about?" Nona says.

"Slow wave dysrhythmias," Decim says. "I read it in my book."

"Which book?" Nona says, and her eyes follow Decim as he dutifully pulls the textbook from the shelf.

"Page 638, the second column, third paragraph. It is listed under potential causes for pregnancy-related nausea and vomiting." Decim can see the page perfectly in his mind. He flips open the book, showing them the page.

Chiyuki cranes her neck while Nona looks on with mild interest. "Wow, that's amazing, do you remember anything else?" Chiyuki says.

"I remember everything," Decim says.

"Everything you read?" Chiyuki says.

"Yes," Decim says. Chiyuki takes the book and flips it open to a random page.

"What does it say here, on page 335? What's the first sentence?" Chiyuki says. Decim thinks a moment. Repeats it. Chiyuki's eyes widen.

"Okay. What about the picture here on 245?"

"Which one?" Decim says. Chiyuki flips through the book, excited.

He answers them all perfectly. He doesn't understand what's making Chiyuki so excited, but it seems to make her happy so he doesn't mind doing it, and Nona is too busy thinking to notice.

"Okay, how about the graph in this other book, on um, page 115?"

"Are you done?" Nona says. Chiyuki looks up.

"This is amazing," Chiyuki says. "Decim! You have a photographic memory. Don't you realize how incredible that is?" Nona huffs, annoyed.

"He's an _arbiter_, of course his memory is good," Nona says. "He probably remembers more of what's in those books than the doctors do. Why do you think he's so good at making drinks? It's because he read all those mixology books Quin left at the bar."

And then Nona's eyes widen.

"That's it," Nona says. "Decim. You should be a doctor!"

"_Hai_?" Decim says.

"Ugh. But it's just like being a lawyer, your bedside manner would be terrible." Nona sinks back into her chair, defeated. She thinks a moment, then brightens, snapping her fingers.

"You should be a radiologist!" Nona says.

"What is a 'radiologist'?" Decim says. Nona stands, excitedly.

"They're a type of doctor that sits alone in a dark room and looks at pictures all day, it's perfect for you," Nona says. "All you do is write down what you see."

"There is a job like this?" Decim says. Behind him, Chiyuki shakes her head.

"He isn't a doctor, though," Chiyuki says. Nona shrugs.

"I got him a birth certificate, didn't I? A medical degree won't be that hard," Nona says. "As for his training, that's easy. We'll just take a bunch of memories from all the doctors that came through so far. Let's see...you still have the memories of that first guy you two judged, right? The jealous guy who came in with his wife?"

"Takashi and Machiko," Decim says. "But Nona-san. Takashi was not a radiologist."

"No, but we can find you the memories of someone who _was_. Hold on a minute," Nona says, and suddenly she's not in the room.

"I didn't know you can still receive memories," Chiyuki says, but before Decim can answer Nona's disembodied voice interrupts them.

"Of course he can, he's still an arbiter."

There's a loud bang, and Nona pops in from nowhere, crossing her arms.

"You better not screw this up," Nona says to Decim. "I have a lot riding on this."

"I will try my best," Decim says, and then the memories start flooding over.

xXx

.

3.

The memories Nona curates are a jumbled mess: unlike the normal set of memories, an elegantly curated set of the important points of a guest's life, this set of memories is a hodge podge of different memories from different radiologists. His mind lurches to a halt and suddenly he's familiar with many hospital systems, many different computers and films and imaging techniques, has seen hundreds of thousands of rare and common cases both, has the expertise of someone in this profession for many, many years.

"Dr. Quin," Decim reads his badge. "Quin is my family name?"

"It's like your birth certificate, stupid, don't mess this up for me." Nona stands with her hands on her hips and pushes him through the hospital doors.


	11. A Request

.

.

"I'm terribly sorry," Decim says. "Nona-san wiped your memory again."

"What happened this time?" Chiyuki says.

What follows is a dry and rather formal account of Nona and Ginti, inadvertantly walking in on her in the shower. "I was not there when it happened," Decim says. "I only pieced together what happened when I found you unconscious in the bathroom."

"This better not be hurting the baby!" Chiyuki says.

xXx

.

"Nona-san. I request that you keep Chiyuki-san's memories intact."

"No."

xXx

.

"Nona-san. Please do not put Chiyuki-san to sleep. She does not like it."

"Who cares?"

xXx

.

"Nona-san. This could hurt my child."

"..."

xXx

.

"AHH!" Chiyuki says, pulling up a towel, because even though it's technically the thirty-fifth time Nona's walked in on her changing clothes, Chiyuki doesn't remember anything except what Decim's told her, so it still comes across as a shock.

"Blame Decim," Nona says, and Clavis smiles blandly, Nona walking past her and swatting her on the butt.


	12. Decim and the magazine (NC-17)

_Author's note: __So I have a folder with a bunch of little drabbles that I didn't originally post, for one reason or another. This one however was burning a hole in my harddrive, so I thought I'd clean it up and post it here, since it's too short to justify posting it by itself IMO. Also, Cosmo!sex. So yeah. I'll probably keep adding to this thing every now and then anyway. Enjoy :)_

* * *

_._

There is a magazine kiosk by the train station on Decim's way to work, which sells the usual things, newspapers and candy and women's magazines, and usually Decim only pays a cursory glance to them. This time, though, something catches his eye:

MAKE HER BEG FOR MORE, it says.

Beg for what? Decim wonders, and he purchases the magazine. The man behind the counter slips it into a paper bag, which crinkles slightly as he walks with it under his arm.

_xXx_

_._

He flips through the magazine during his lunch break. The article in question, "37 WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR WOMAN," is of particular interest to him, and as he flips through the pages his irises start to turn.

_xXx_

_._

"I would like to have sex with you," Decim says, out of nowhere, while they're standing in the kitchen. He had just finished doing the dishes; up until then he made no indication that he was in that kind of mood.

"I- um. Okay," Chiyuki says, somewhat surprised by his forthrightness. "Do you mean you want to do it now or later tonight?"

"Now would be preferable," he says.

"Oh." She blinks. "...Okay."

And she follows him into the bedroom.

_xXx_

_._

He's thrusting with a little more force than usual, and Chiyuki hums a little, in appreciation. Ever since their conversation that Decim should initiate things more often, he's been more up front about his desire for her, which Chiyuki appreciates.

"_Unh_," she says. He's practically pounding her into the mattress. She digs her fingers into his shoulders, moaning a little when he kisses her neck. His mouth is hot - it feels really good - and she thinks she's about to come when suddenly he stops and moves to flip her over.

Well this is different, Chiyuki thinks, and he's dragging her hips upwards until she's on her knees, crouching on all fours. He slides back into her easily in one smooth stroke, and somehow he feels different. Bigger, maybe, but it's not unpleasant. There is a slick, slapping sound as he moves inside her, and Chiyuki tries to prop herself up on her elbows, her body rocking a bit too forward with the movement.

And then he's pulling her off the bed. Chiyuki cranes her head back, but she can't tell what the heck he's doing until she's hanging off the side of the mattress and he's standing on the floor, holding her like a wheelbarrow.

"Um, Decim, what-" but she's cut off by another thrust. She feels him drop one of her legs, accidentally.

"Forgiveme," he says. He fumbles with her thigh, hoisting it back up.

"What are you doing?" she says, but he's already turning her on her back, pulling one leg up over his shoulder. Which would work, except that Decim is too tall, and instead of bending forward he's pulling Chiyuki's butt off the mattress, so that she's strung up at an angle, her shoulders and neck the only parts of her body still on the mattress.

"Uh, maybe if you bend forward," Chiyuki says.

"Pardon?" He's still trying to thrust.

"Bend forward," Chiyuki says, and he does - and puts the weight of both their bodies into the back of her head.

"Aggh! Decim!"

"Chiyuki-san!" he says, and he fumbles. She drops like a rock, tumbling off the bed and smacking her butt into the floor.

"Ow!" Chiyuki says, and she starts laughing. Decim looks horrified.

"I'm terribly sorry," he says, and he helps her up. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine. I've fallen harder before."

"I am glad," Decim says, and he looks visibly relieved. "Perhaps we can try it again...?"

"Um, no offense, but I'd rather not," Chiyuki says.

_xXx  
_

_._

"The Couch Canoodle? The Electric Slide? Crouching Tiger Hidden Orgasm?"

Chiyuki flips through the magazine, her frown growing deeper and deeper, as she flips through the pages.

"It is probably because I am doing it wrong," Decim says, and he shows her the position he had tried earlier. "I probably should have started with you already off the bed. I did not take into account the difficulty to change mid-coitus."

Chiyuki frowns at a picture of a man holding a woman upside down, her legs hooked on his shoulders and his head between her legs. "'Standing ovation,'" Chiyuki reads. She looks up at Decim. "You weren't planning on trying that, right?"

"It says it would give you a very good orgasm," Decim says, solemnly. Chiyuki facepalms, frowning.

"Yeah, if you don't drop me on my head, first."


	13. The newest arbiter

.

.

1.

"Ginti," Nona says. "I wanted to introduce you to our newest arbiter. She'll take Quin's place at Quindecim. I told her you'd help show her around."

"Yo," Ginti says. He walks out from behind the bar, wiping his hands on the seat of his pants. He extends a hand. "Nice to meet y-"

"HUH?!" Mayu says. She rushes out from behind Nona. "I'm not working with him again, right?!"

Ginti stops and stares.

xXx

.

"I'm not working with her!" Ginti says. He points at Mayu, shouting. "She's stupid and annoying, so why are you making her an arbiter?!"

"We're made up of souls that are sent to the Void," Nona says. "Quin needed to go back to the Information Bureau, and her soul was the most pure of them there."

"Aggh, are you _shitting_ me?" Ginti says. He feels something brush against his leg. "_Memine_?!"

"Kitty cat!" Mayu says, and she scoops Memine up in her arms.

xXx

.

2.

"Huh?!" Mayu said. "I'm not going on that elevator!"

It was just after Mayu's original judgment. They were standing at the elevator, Harada gamely stepping inside while Mayu begged and whined to go on with him, why couldn't she, it wasn't fair!

"I already told you. You're done with the game. Just get in the stupid elevator," Ginti said.

"Why can't I ride with Harada-kun?" Mayu said.

"Because you can't," Ginti said. In the other elevator, Harada poked out his head and waved.

"Don't worry, Mayu-chan," Harada said, and he winked at her. "I'll see you on the other side!"

"Wait, Harada-kun-"

But the elevator door already closed.

xXx

.

She already passed her test of character, so why the fuck was she aggravating him like this?

"Where is Harada-kun?" Mayu whined. She kicked her feet under the barstool, restlessly. "Is he gonna come back?"

Ginti had already sent Harada for reincarnation, but there was no fucking way he was gonna tell the human that.

"I told you to get in the goddamn elevator," Ginti said.

"I don't wanna," Mayu said.

"Well you can't keep staying here," Ginti said.

"Why?" Mayu said.

The whole thing was really starting to piss him off.

xXx

.

"Hmm. You judged her for reincarnation, but she won't go?" Nona said.

"Yeah," Ginti said. Nona rubbed her chin thoughtfully, then glanced at the human hanging all over his bar. "I'm starting to think the game didn't count because she was up against _that guy._ If it were any other human, I'm not sure she'd sacrifice herself like that."

"You'll have to think of another way to judge her, then," Nona said.

"Oi. Can't you just erase her memories and send in another guest?" Ginti said.

"That isn't the protocol," Nona said. "Each human soul plays only one game. There's rules about that."

"Even if you erase her memories?" Ginti said.

"Figure it out," Nona said. "And if you can't, maybe you should ask Decim for advice."

"Dammit," Ginti said.

"Oi!" Mayu waved at them, sitting on the barstool. "Can I get something to drink?"

Sometimes he hated being a fucking arbiter.

xXx

.

Decim was lucky. _His_ human was at least semi-competent.

Ginti watched, growing more and more disgusted, as the human spilled his drinks and rummaged through his bottles, disturbing his guests and his games.

"Have you ever heard of C.H.A.?" she was asking one of his other guests now, sighing dreamily with her head in her hands.

"Hm. I hadn't heard of them," the guest said. Mayu reared up across the bar.

"Seriously?!" she said. Ginti pushed her aside. "Ne, can we play some of Harada-kun's songs up here?"

"I already told you, NO," Ginti said.

"Ugh," Mayu said. "Why do I have to hang out with this guy? Why can't I be with Harada-kun-"

"Because you didn't get it in the goddamn elevator when I told you." Ginti poured himself a shot. "Now it's too late so quit your whining."

"You suck," Mayu said.

"Um," one of the guests said. "What is it that we're doing here?"

Ginti wanted to bash his head against the fucking wall.

xXx

.

"You can't judge her?" Decim said. To anyone else, Decim's face didn't change: he had the same blank look he always had, but Ginti knew better. He could see the surprise in the way Decim's eyes widened a little, and how he paused slightly while he was polishing the glass in his hand. "I thought you were sending her for reincarnation?"

"Yeah, well it turns out she didn't want to pee in front of her precious Harada-kun, so that wasn't much of a sacrifice." Ginti frowned at his drink, sullenly. "You figure out what you're gonna do with your human?" Ginti asked.

"I have some ideas," Decim said. He set the glass down, carefully. "It will be...unpleasant," Decim said. "I do not look forward to doing it."

"Well what the fuck are you gonna do?" Ginti said. Decim motioned to his dolls.

"Remember the test of memory you and Nona-san performed on me? How she implanted that doll with someone else's memories?"

"Yeah. So?" Ginti said. Decim walked around the bar, opening the window to his work room.

"I have many dolls of many guests, and I can control each and every one of them with a modicum of effort."

"So what? You're gonna chase her around with dolls?" Ginti said. Decim straightened.

"I am considering an elaborate ruse," Decim said. "It will only work if I am able to replicate her home life. I will test her character by offering her a chance to come back to life."

"Huh?" Ginti said. "That's fucking stupid. Of course she'd take it, she's a fucking human."

"I will tell her in order to bring her back to life, another person will have to die to take her place."

Ginti set down his drink. Decim was watching him, quietly.

"Oi," Ginti said. "That's not bad."

"Thank you very much," Decim said. Ginti stood, pushing back his chair.

"She's always obsessing over that stupid Harada guy. Maybe I can do something similar...?"

xXx

.

Decim lent him one of his dolls. Ginti walked around it, looking it up and down.

The likeness was uncanny. Even without the guise of human flesh, the clothes and the wig definitely screamed Fucking Idol Douchebag, and Ginti silently approved.

"Harada-kun's memories?" Nona said. "Why?"

"I just want enough to animate that doll," Ginti said, pointing to the Harada doll sitting on his couch.

He brought Mayu in, sat her down in front of the bar counter.

"This is why Harada hasn't come back," he said, and he showed her the doll.

xXx

.

He watched as the elevator door closed, the human clutching onto the Harada doll and shouting stupid nonsense at him. _"I decided for myself," Mayu said. "Even if it wasn't a life others would be proud of, but I'm the one who decided to devote it to Harada! And there must be meaning in that by itself!"_

The elevator doors closed. The doll Decim lent him will most certainly begin to peel before they reach the bottom; silently Ginti wondered if the doll would open its eyes.

The bar was quiet after the human was gone.

xXx

.

"What's wrong?" Nona said. She sat down next to him, contemplating her drink. "Do you think you made the wrong judgment?"

Ginti shook his head. "She would've thrown some random person into the void," Ginti said. But he stared at the ice cubes tinkling in his drink, frowning.

Memine stopped coming back. Ginti walked around the bar then around the outside of Viginti, holding out a plate of shredded chicken, irritated at himself. "Stupid goddamn cat." He set the plate outside the door with a loud clatter.

xXx

.

He was cleaning up the bar space when he came across it: a loose eyelash, stuck between a clump of dustballs.

Even though she was in the void, she seemed to be fucking everywhere.

xXx

.

3.

"YOU stay on your floor. I'll stay on mine," Ginti says. Mayu glares at him. "And don't you fucking dare touch his stuff."

"What? These creepy dolls?" Mayu peers into Decim's work room, frowning. "Oooh! Are these to scare the guests?"

"The fuck did they make you an arbiter for, anyway?" Ginti says.

"Oi!" Mayu says. "You're the one who tricked me and sent me to the Void!"

"Because I couldn't _judge_ you, you stupid woman, and what the fuck, you still act like a human!"

"So do you," Mayu says. She's still wearing that stupid bear on her head.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Quin says, watching them from behind the screen. Nona shrugs, nonplussed.

"Well, it is a little unusual. Seeing as she spent time here already. Most arbiters have their past lives completed wiped," Nona says. "Lets just call this another experiment. I'd like to see how the two of them will do."

"Oh boy," Quin says, and she readjusts her goggle.


	14. The blind date

.

.

Chiyuki is lying on the couch, flipping through a magazine, when Decim makes the announcement:

"My co-worker has asked me to meet with his cousin," Decim says. "She is here for the weekend and needs someone familiar with the area to accompany her."

"That sounds like fun," Chiyuki says. She flips through her magazine, absently. "What are you going to do?"

"My co-worker recommended that I take her around town, have a meal with her and watch a movie," Decim says. Chiyuki lowers the magazine and frowns.

"That sounds like a date," Chiyuki says.

"Unlikely," Decim says. "My co-worker is merely too busy to spend time with his cousin this weekend, so he required my assistance."

"...I see," Chiyuki says, doubtfully. "When are you two planning to go out?"

"Saturday afternoon," Decim says, and he looks so guileless and sweet Chiyuki decides that yelling at him would be like yelling at a puppy, pointless and unproductive, so she just shrugs and goes back to her magazine.

"Huh. Well don't stay out too late then," Chiyuki says.

Decim nods, solemnly.

"We will adhere to a strict schedule."

xXx

.

It's Saturday afternoon and Decim is getting ready for his not-a-date date. He has the same amount of sex appeal as a block of wood, and Chiyuki feels almost a little bit sorry for him, watching him pull on another boring white shirt and another drab sweater vest. If this girl is gonna go on a date with him, Chiyuki thinks, she might as well provide her with a little bit of eye candy.

"Wear this," Chiyuki says, and she hands him another shirt. "You look nicer in this. And don't wear the sweater vest, it's too plain."

"Thank you very much," he says, and he switches out the shirt.

She sprawls back on the bed while Decim putters around the bedroom. This poor girl, Chiyuki thinks. His hair is terrible. He's socially awkward and too serious and has no charisma whatsoever.

She's going to be disappointed, Chiyuki thinks, and she's silently thankful that Decim is too dense for hurt feelings. He wouldn't even notice he was being rejected even if the girl would tell him to his face.

Poor Decim, Chiyuki thinks. She wonders how far she should let this go.

"I will be back," Decim says. He kisses her goodbye (before his date! Chiyuki thinks, and facepalms, inwardly) and waves at her as he goes out the door.

It doesn't take her long before she decides to follow him. It's for his own good, and also in part to satisfy her curiosity. What kind of desperate mess would want to go out with _that_? she thinks, as Decim stares slack-jawed at a blinking traffic light, standing a little too long before realizing he's supposed to cross. Which, admittedly, is pretty adorable in a Decim sort of way, except that Chiyuki knows him already, it's unlikely that anyone else would see the appeal.

This is going to be a trainwreck, Chiyuki thinks, and she decides that she really ought to watch.

xXx

.

The girl is sitting on a park bench, fiddling with her purse and looking around, nervously, when Decim walks toward her.

"I'm terribly sorry, did you wait very long?" Decim says, and the girl smiles and shakes her head.

What is this, some kind of romantic comedy? Chiyuki thinks, and facepalms to herself.

"Shall we proceed?" Decim says. The girl smiles again and they walk down the road.

xXx

.

At first, it's just the usual pleasantries, Decim nodding solemnly while the girl makes polite conversation. But then Decim stops walking; Chiyuki notices he is distracted by something across the street.

There is a dog in a yard, chasing its tail. _Well, he would be curious about that,_ Chiyuki thinks, and thinks of all the times they've gone walking together only for Decim to inexplicably become distracted by a blinking sign or a squirrel or even a paper bag rolling in the street, and she's fully expecting the poor girl to be weirded out by Decim's behavior when she turns around and looks back at her:

The girl is blushing, watching him.

What the hell?

"You're very thoughtful, aren't you?" the girl says, and Chiyuki can see it: yellow slants of light, a slight breeze in his hair. Pale blue eyes looking out into the horizon, stoically.

Except that he's _looking at a dog,_ the dog is chasing its tail, and only when the dog gives up and lies down again that Decim turns his gaze toward the girl.

"I'm sorry? You were saying?" Decim says, and his voice is so low and sonorous Chiyuki can see the girl practically melting in her shoes.

What's with this girl? Chiyuki thinks, and she continues to follow them.

They go to the movies. It's a scary one, the girl jumping and clutching Decim at every scene. Decim for his part just sits there stoically and stone-faced. Chiyuki hides in the back of the theater, frowning into a tub of popcorn.

They sit at a cafe. Decim listens politely while the girl tells him about herself. What starts as the usual getting-to-know-you talk devolves into marked oversharing, and Chiyuki cringes a little as Decim makes a simple observation that evidently was really insightful.

"No one has ever gotten that about me before," the girl says, awestruck, (nevermind that Decim used to be an arbiter, that sort of thing was part of his job).

Decim smiles at her. He has a very nice smile. It pisses Chiyuki off.

"You know," the girl says, and she leans close. "I think my cousin was right. I think I really like you."

"I am glad," Decim says, and she leans in for a kiss. Chiyuki jumps up, pushing through the tables.

"Hey!" Chiyuki says, and the girl startles.

"Oh, Chiyuki-san, there you are," Decim says. "I was wondering when you were going to join us."

"I- wait, what?" Chiyuki says.

"I noticed you following us a few hours earlier. I was expecting you to join us sooner."

"Decim," the girl leans toward him possessively. "Who's your friend?"

And she slips her hand on top of his.

"I'm the mother of his child!" Chiyuki says, and she snatches Decim's hand away from hers. The girl's eyes widen.

"Oh my god. Decim, is this true?"

"Yes," Decim says. "She is the mother of my child."

And she slaps Decim across the face.

Decim has probably never been slapped before. He looks stunned and confused and Chiyuki feels a little bad for him, the side of his cheek reddening where he was struck.

"How could you? She's pregnant!" she says. She's spitting acid, yelling in his face. "How could you sneak out on her like that? What kind of horrible person are you?!"

"But Chiyuki-san knew..." Decim looks hurt and confused. "I told her about our meeting earlier."

"Wait, you _knew_?" the girl whips around to Chiyuki angrily. "What is this, some sort of game for you two?

You're sick! You're both sick! I can't believe you led me on like this!"

"Why are you angry?" Decim says, but the girl throws on her purse and storms out.

xXx

.

The table is a mess. There are upturned glasses and water dripping down the tablecloth. Decim looks like a frazzled mess and the people in the cafe are staring.

"I told you it was a date," Chiyuki says.


	15. An Epiphany

.

.

The thing is - and Chiyuki never really noticed it, not until just recently - Decim is actually very attractive.

It hits her on on a rainy morning. Outside, there is the soft sound of rain pattering against the concrete, and a watery gray light filters through the kitchen curtains. She is sitting in the kitchen with just a T-shirt on, stretching her bare legs under the table and wrapping her hands around a mug of, well, not coffee, she's still in the first trimester and it's bad for the baby - a mug of steamed milk, and she's taking a sip as Decim moves around the kitchen. There's the sound of dishes being stacked and the refrigerator door opening, and Chiyuki is about to open her mouth to ask if they need to buy more milk when she sees it:

The collar of his shirt is unbuttoned.

It takes a moment for Chiyuki to process. Decim until now had always been neat and orderly, precise to a fault, and even though he no longer wore the arbiter's uniform, he still managed to look the same. ("Ugh. Sweater vests," Nona said once, and she wrinkled her nose.) The man even sleeps neatly, if that's such a thing, the blankets and the pillows wrinkling at precise angles around him. Decim turns his back toward her, quietly stacking the rest of the dishes in the cabinet, and when he turns around the collar is buttoned up again. Chiyuki takes another drink, and forgets about it.

It isn't until Chiyuki is padding down the hallway, looking for him in the bedroom, that the full force of Decim's weirdly good looks smacks her in the face.

He is unbuttoning his shirt. Chiyuki stops, mouth hanging open, and stares goggle-eyed at the pale smooth hollows of his throat. He moves and the light catches the muscles of his neck and shoulders, framing the long line of his body like a portrait. She stares at the curve of his jaw, the line of his collarbone. Long fingers work delicately on the buttons.

"Is something the matter?" Decim says. Pale blue eyes look back at her. "Chiyuki-san?"

"I-" Her throat is dry. She grips her mug of lukewarm milk, stupidly. "Sorry," Chiyuki says. "I forgot what I was going to ask you."

He smiles - he has a really nice smile - and Chiyuki kicks herself mentally for staring. "Why are you changing?" Chiyuki asks.

"I neglected to wear an apron while I was doing the dishes. Unfortunately my shirt got wet."

"Oh," Chiyuki says. He smiles again and she feels her stomach flip, her face heating up as he walks toward her.

He kisses her. Chiyuki isn't expecting it. She jerks her head away, blushing and taking a step back.

"Please forgive me," Decim says. He looks distraught. "I'm terribly sorry. I did not mean to upset you-"

"No, no, you didn't, it's just-" she blushes harder. "You're really good looking," Chiyuki says. Decim blinks.

"_Hai?_"

"I never really noticed it before." Wow she feels like an idiot. She grips the mug as if it's a lifeline. "I guess...and I know it sounds stupid, but...I guess I never really thought of you as a man before.

I mean, obviously you _are_," Chiyuki says, seeing Decim looking more and more confused. "And I mean, I'm obviously pregnant, so you know, it's no big secret or anything, but..." and now she can't stop herself, she's babbling like an idiot and there's no one here to save her. "...I just realized you're really pretty good-looking, and. Um. I don't know how to say this, but I think I'm attracted to you.

Not to say I wasn't attracted to you before!" Chiyuki says, backtracking. "But it was more, I fell in love with _you_, I didn't even really think about your face or body or anything..."

"Are you saying you just now noticed what I look like?"

"I'm saying if I saw in the supermarket, and I didn't know you, I'd definitely try to flirt with you."

"Flirt?" Decim echoes. Chiyuki covers her face with her mug, embarrassed.

"It's the pregnancy hormones," Chiyuki says, lamely. "Just ignore me."

"I do not understand," Decim says.

"I'm so embarrassed. Just forget about it," Chiyuki says.

She's too busy burning a hole in the floor to notice him step close to her; he smiles and gently touches her cheek.

He feels warm when he hugs her. She fits perfectly against the space of his shoulder and chest, and she can feel the muscles of his ribcage as he breathes.


	16. An epiphany, part 2

.

.

"Chiyuki-san, if I may. I have always been attracted to you," Decim says.

"Really?" Chiyuki says.

"Yes," Decim says, solemnly. "You were energetic and fresh and full of life, and it made me very happy to see you smiling. It made me happy when you were happy. I did not know it at the time, but I believe that is when I began to fall in love with you. I did not understand this at the time, however.

All I knew was that it was very lonely when you left," Decim says. "And yet I was happy for you all the same."

He looks sad and wistful at the memory, and Chiyuki can imagine it: Decim standing alone at the bar, in the lonely downtime between guests. She takes his hand and squeezes it reassuringly.

"It was not only your smile that I found attractive," Decim says, after a long moment.

"Your breasts were pleasing to look at, as were your legs and the curve of your posterior beneath your skirt."

"...Huh."

"Yes, you were very attractive," Decim says, solemnly. "If I could, I would have liked to use my wires on you. I would have liked to hoist you up by the wall so that I could undress you and examine your body better."

"That's really creepy."

"I'm terribly sorry," Decim says. Chiyuki sighs, tragically.

"You sure know how to ruin the moment, don't you?" Chiyuki says.

"_Hai_?"

"Nevermind," Chiyuki says.


	17. An epiphany, part 3 (NC-17)

.

.

He's on top this time while they make love. He thrusts in and out of her with deep, generous strokes, and he hooks his arms around her as if he's hugging her, burying his face into her hair.

It feels good. Her mouth is slightly open and her eyelids flutter as he rubs his mouth against her neck, and her knees knock against his ribs as she strains against him.

She brings a hand to his face, opening her eyes to look at him. His eyes meet hers and their foreheads touch. She kisses him as he thrusts, panting into his mouth. When he comes, it's with a soft sigh against the skin of her neck, his body going still as he pulses quietly inside her.

Her own release comes a few moments later - a softer climax, slow and rhythmic contractions - as he rests his head against her shoulder.

"So," Chiyuki says, and she lets her hand rest limply across Decim's head. "You mean to tell me if we were back at the bar, you'd just...string me up to the wall and hang me naked? Is that what you were telling me?

Because, I'd probably let you..." she says, and Decim lifts his head to look at her, wonderingly.

"That is so adorable," Nona says, watching them with Castra. She grins and Castra shakes her head at her, switching off the mirror.


	18. Mayu to the max!

.

.

There are rumors about the new arbiter - that her games are more cutthroat, her judgments more ruthless. That she's sent more people to the Void than all the other arbiters put together.

"Have you heard? Clavis says the pit is filling up because of her."

"She sees three times as many souls as everyone else sees, and everyone goes to the Void!"

"Bullshit," Ginti says. The arbiters look at each other, frowning.

"It's true," another arbiter says. "The conditions she creates are so stressful, she barely has to do anything to draw the darkness out from people's souls.

She doesn't even need to sleep," the arbiter says. "She's crazy. She never stops running the games."

Ginti slams down his drink, standing. He needs to see this for himself.

xXx

.

The elevators open on Floor Fifteen, and the first thing Ginti notices is that everything is pink. Pink flowers, pink signs, even the jellyfish are pink.

"Are you serious?" Ginti says. Clavis shrugs.

"There's been some redecorating," Clavis says. "I think it looks nice."

"Pfft, whatever," Ginti says, and he steps off the elevators.

He walks down the hallway. While the original decor was like a classy jazz lounge, with dim lighting and plush carpeting, the hallway here is brightly lit, cheerful streaks of pink and white and yellow covering the walls.

He rounds the corner, which used to open up on Decim's bar. His eyes widen.

"Oh, you've got to be shitting me," Ginti says.

xXx

.

The "bar" is more of a cafe now, a cheerful mix of pink and white and yellow, with dozens of little tables. There are stuffed animals against the walls and paper streamers hang off the ceiling, and Decim's dolls, once ominous and looming, are dressed like common store mannequins, hands jauntily on their hips and modeling the latest fucking fashions.

And somehow, even though there's no windows and no fucking source of outside light, the whole place seems to be really _sunny_. Like an eternal fucking sunny afternoon, nevermind that there's no windows or natural light.

"Welcome to Quindecim!" Mayu chirps. The bear on her head bounces. She's wearing a sparkly pink glitter bowtie with her arbiter's uniform.

"What the fuck did you do to this place?" Ginti says.

"It was really dark," Mayu says. "I just, you know, fixed it up a little."

"'A little'?" Ginti glances at the C.H.A. jukebox and the huge stuffed bear hanging in the corner.

"Yeah, you gotta problem with it?"

"I thought I told you not to fucking touch his stuff!"

Mayu rolls her eyes and shoves him a menu - lots of pastries and cream puffs and what the hell, parfaits? - and Ginti feels his blood pressure rising when suddenly Mayu straightens.

"Guests?" Ginti watches her eyes turning as she receives memories.

"Yeah, so are we done here? 'Cuz I got a lot of work to do, and you're kinda getting in my way."

"Bullshit. I'm staying right here," Ginti says.

"Why?" Mayu says.

"Because everyone says you're running the games wrong, I need to see this for myself."

"You're not my boss," Mayu says, but the guests come around the corner. She shoves the menu against Ginti's chest and hops out from behind the counter.

"Welcome to Quindecim!" Mayu says. "I'm your hostess, Quin 2, but you can call me Mayu."

"'Quin 2'?" Ginti says. The guests look around, confused.

"Okay! So we're gonna play some games!" Mayu says, when the guests are finally seated. The roulette drops, and Ginti's eyes widen when he sees Harada's stupid face decorating the roulette board.

xXx

.

She doesn't play normal games. Instead of black jack or darts or billiards, it's, C.H.A. trivia or karaoke, idol dance offs or spin the bottle.

"Where would YOU kiss Harada?" Mayu says, and out comes a mannequin dressed exactly like him.

"Um. On the lips?" A guest says. Mayu waves her card.

"WRONG! _No one_ kisses Harada!" She sighs dreamily. "He's too pure to be touched."

She reads from another card. "Is Harada's ex-girlfriend an angel or a bitch?"

"Um...a bitch?"

"WRONG!" Mayu says. "She's a _super bitch_!"

"That wasn't an answer choice!" the guest says angrily, but Mayu subdues him with a puff of glitter dust.

"What the fuck are you doing? You're not playing the games," Ginti says. "It's billiards or darts or fucking black jack, not goddamn Harada happy hour."

"I'm creating stressful conditions, aren't I?" Mayu says. She cocks her head to the former Yakuza boss sweating it out over Harada-themed trivial pursuit.

"Yeah, okay, and then you're just gonna void him because he doesn't know Harada's favorite fucking color."

"That's not true!" Mayu says. "Everyone that's come here are all a bunch of assholes! It's not my fault that no one nice ever comes in!"

"That's it," Ginti says, and he snaps his fingers. Balls of water fan out at all sides of him.

"Don't you dare, you'll ruin my makeup," Mayu says.

"I am getting so sick of your bullshit," Ginti says. The water balls rise. "I should have done this a long time ago!"

The water bursts. Jets of water come crashing toward Mayu. There's a crash, and then an explosion. Glitter falls around him in waves.

"The fuck is that? _Glitter_?" Ginti laughs. "You can't be serious."

"Oh you just wait," Mayu says. Ginti's eyes widen.

"It _burns_!" Ginti wails. He claws at his eyes, doubling over.

xXx

.

Nona is cataloging her monthly stash of drinks while Ginti sits at the table, complaining to loudly to Decim.

"She's got fucking _glitter acid_. She nearly burned out my fucking eyes!"

"That is unfortunate," Decim says. Ginti slumps over, depressed.

"Everything is pink and sparkly and all the other arbiters think she's the greatest thing, even Memine stopped coming. She keeps hanging out with _her_." He looks up at Decim, mournfully.

"So when are you gonna kill yourself and come back already?" Ginti says.

"Hey!" Chiyuki says.

"Don't you care about what's happened to your bar?"

"I do not wish to kill myself," Decim says.

"Why? It's not that hard," Ginti says. "Oi," he says to Chiyuki. "You did it, right? Wasn't it not that hard?"

"Please do not talk to her like that," Decim says. Ginti stares at Chiyuki, squinting his eyes.

"Wow," Ginti says. "When did you get fat?"

"I'm _pregnant,_" Chiyuki says.

"I mean, I kinda got the appeal before, but now-"

"Please," Decim says. "Do not talk about Chiyuki-san like that."

"Hey, morons, are you done? We gotta get going soon." Nona slings her bag across her shoulder.

Chiyuki is about to take a bite from a piece of cake when Ginti snatches her fork, mid-air.

"You're welcome," Ginti says. He takes the fork and the plate of cake from her, following Nona outside.


	19. Scars

.

.

The skin along the inside of her wrist is numb from where she cut herself; pink and raised, the scar snakes along her wrist like a jagged bracelet, and sometimes Chiyuki absently finds herself touching that numb patch of skin, tracing the ugly scar with the pads of her fingers.

She takes to wearing lots of bangles and bracelets on that wrist. Sometimes she will try to cover it with a heavy watch, or a sweatband, but the fabric chaffs against the tender bit of skin that still has feeling.

"You're lucky you didn't cut any tendons," the doctor told her. Chiyuki sat upright on the hospital bed, listening quietly as the doctor described the things that could have happened had she cut just a little deeper: "We have lots of patients who lose the use of their hand."

Strange that the months she spent in Quindecim only amounted to a few seconds in the human world, but then again, time is a relative thing to them, it shouldn't have surprised her when people were still worried. "I'm better," Chiyuki insisted, but her mother just looked at her with worried eyes. 

xXx

.

"Chi-chan! You're getting so big now! You're seven months now, right?" Her mother hugs her, smiling.

"I'm almost 30 weeks," Chiyuki says. She puts down the bag of groceries and shrugs off her coat.

"Oh wow, the baby could come at any minute. You shouldn't be carrying so much! Sit down, sit down!"

Chiyuki puts a hand on her belly and maneuvers herself upstairs.

She walks into her old room. Funny - the last time she remembers spending any time there was when Decim was testing her, and that wasn't even real. She picks up the dolls her mother made her, turning them over in her hands.

"Where is Decim?" Her mother is coming up the stairs.

"Oh, he had to work today. He said to tell you he was terribly sorry for not being able to make it."

"He's a nice man, isn't he?" her mother says. Chiyuki smiles.

"Yeah," she says. She touches her belly, fondly.

Her mother sits on the bed. Strange, Chiyuki thinks. She doesn't remember her mother moving so slowly before.

"Chi-chan," her mother says, and Chiyuki can see the worry lining her face. "Are you sure everything is okay? Your father and I worry. It wasn't so long ago that...that you hurt yourself."

"I'm fine," Chiyuki says. Her mother pauses, as if searching for the right words.

"You know, we really like Decim. We really do. But you've only been dating him for a few months. He's a very nice man, but it seems like you're heading into this very fast.

Accidents happen, Chi-chan." Her mother's hands tighten in her lap. "Just because he's the father doesn't mean you have to stay with him."

"What are you saying?" Chiyuki says. Her mother looks up at her, quietly.

"I'm saying that your father and I will support you, no matter what you decide," her mother says. "You don't have to stay with him if you don't want to."

"Mom, I love him," Chiyuki says.

"I know, honey," her mother says. "But sometimes what you think is love, isn't. You've been through so much, we just don't want you to get hurt again. It just seems like it's happening very fast," her mother says. "Chi-chan people can be together for years without truly knowing each other, and you had only been with him for a few weeks before you got pregnant. All we're saying is that it might be a good idea to slow things down. You hurt yourself just a few months ago."

"This and that are different," Chiyuki says, quietly. Her mother nods, not looking at her.

"Okay," her mother says. Her voice is lost. "But you have to understand why we're worried for you."

And her mother starts to cry. Chiyuki stares at her, dumbstruck, before moving and swiftly pulling her mother into her arms.

"I know, mom." Chiyuki hugs her, tight. "I'm sorry for making you worried."

Her mother nods, crying into her hair. 

xXx

.

Dinner goes by uneventfully, and when it's time to leave her mother hugs her and hands her a gift of baby clothes and swaddling blankets, making her promise to wear her scarf because it gets cold outside, she doesn't want her to get cold waiting for the train.

Decim still isn't home when Chiyuki comes back, and everything seems curiously empty. She sets down her bags and hangs up her coat, switching on the light to their apartment.

She gets ready for bed. Turning on a lamp, she looks at her wrist in the orange lamplight. The scar is jagged and angry, and dully Chiyuki covers it with her hand. 

xXx

.

The apartment is dark when Decim finally gets home, quietly setting down his things and looking for Chiyuki. He finds her in their bedroom, lying on her side, facing the wall.

"What is wrong?" Decim asks, quietly, and he leans against her. He feels her shake her head.

"Nothing. Everything. Can you just hold me for a minute?"

"Of course."

And he shifts her against his chest, stroking her hair.


	20. Scars, part 2

.

.

This is what happened before Decim arrived:

Chiyuki was crying. Quietly, she lifted a shaking hand to her face, shoulders shaking and wiping the tears from her eyes.

"...The fuck is wrong with you?"

"W-what?" Chiyuki said. Her eyes were red and puffy. Ginti was standing in the corner.

"I'm sad," Chiyuki said. She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm getting shit for Nona. Why are you crying?" Ginti said.

"I told you. I feel sad."

"That's stupid," Ginti said, and he left the room. Chiyuki rubbed her arms and stared.

"What the hell just happened?" Chiyuki said.


	21. The reading room

.

.

There are four reading rooms in the radiology department; in each room are two computer screens, a chair, and a machine to dictate in. The rooms are dark except for the light from the computer screens, and sometimes whole days will pass without having to talk to an actual human.

This suits Decim just fine. He sits in front of the computer and scrolls through the images, dictating everything he sees.

xXx

.

"There's no way you're that fast," one of the other radiologists says, when they realize Decim's worklist is already finished. They peer their heads into Decim's radiology room, eyes wide as they watch Decim scrolling down the screen.

It takes him mere seconds to read a few hundred images in a CT scan when it should take at least a good ten minutes; the other radiologists stare.

"Dude, you're gonna miss something, what are you doing?" one of the radiologists says.

"I am reading the images," Decim says.

"Bullshit, no one can read that fast," the radiologist says.

They lead Decim into the adjoining reading room and pull up another CT scan.

"Read this," the radiologist says. "And don't look at my dictation. I bet you won't see it."

"You mean the tumor on image 135?"

"I- what?" The radiologists stare at the CT scan. Decim has already finished scrolling.

"There is also an area of bony metastasis on image 224," Decim says. He turns. "Is that also what you're referring to?"

"Wait, there's no bone mets, what the-" and the radiologist's eyes widen.

"How the hell did I miss that?" the radiologist says. Decim stands, politely.

"Excuse me," Decim says, and he bows, courteously. The other radiologists stand and stare.

xXx

.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" one of the radiologists asks him. "Are you wearing contacts?"

"I do not understand your question," Decim says. The radiologist frowns at him.

"Huh. For a minute there I thought there were crosses in your eyes, but it must have been the light," the radiologist says. Decim shrugs, elegantly.

"Perhaps," Decim says, and he moves into his room.

xXx

.

"How are you liking your new job?" Nona asks him. She's sitting on the desk in the dark room, silhouetted by the light of the monitor.

"It is agreeable," Decim says. "I believe I am doing well."

Nona peers over his shoulder.

"I know him," Nona says. She's looking at the X-ray Decim has on the screen. "Mayu's judging that guy right now."

"He already died?" The X-ray is from a car crash patient. Decim frowns. "That is most unfortunate."

Nona hops off the desk, gracefully.

"Well, you know how these things go."


	22. Ginti among the humans

.

.

1.

The elevator doors to the human world opens on a grassy field: tall green grass under grey skies, there is always the sense that a storm is coming.

Clavis waves as Nona steps outside, motioning for Ginti to follow.

xXx

.

"All I'm saying is, she's violating protocol."

Ginti is complaining about Mayu again, and Nona's eyes slide upwards, watching as her hulk of an idiot arbiter drags their bag of human goods on the ground. "She voids _everybody_," Ginti says. "It's not right!"

"You'd void everybody if you had the chance, why do you care now?"

"Because!" Ginti says, but like Nona expects, he doesn't have a very good answer.

"...Because she's better at your job than you are?"

"Dammit!" Ginti says, and he throws his bag down on the ground.

They walk into the field. Nona can imagine what it looks like: two small silhouettes, Ginti's hunched-back hulking one behind Nona's smaller frame, cutting through the shock of green glass and dark gray clouds rolling above them, an empty flatness that stretches out as far as the eye can see.

Nona lifts a hand, and suddenly a button appears as if suspended in front of her. Pressing it, two elevator doors appear.

"...and she was judging them with a fucking _dance off_, and it's either she goes or I go, I fucking swear!"

"Either you go or she goes, huh?"

The bell dings, and the elevator doors open.

"Hello," Clavis says. Nona nods.

"Hello, Clavis," Nona says, and she steps on. Ginti starts to board, but Nona holds up a hand.

"Leave him," Nona says to Clavis. Ginti blinks.

"Wait, what-"

"You said it was either her or you, right?" Nona's eyes narrow. "'Quin 2' does the work of three arbiters already. Taking on your share of souls probably won't be that difficult."

"Wait, I wasn't-"

"Clavis," Nona says, and Clavis nods.

"Wait! Don't!" Ginti says, as the elevator doors slide closed.

"FUCK," Ginti says, and he kicks outward at nothing, all alone in that big fucking field.

xXx

.

It's 3 AM when Chiyuki hears someone banging loudly on their door.

"Decim." She shakes him awake. "Someone's outside."

"Stay here," Decim says, and he rises.

"FUCK!" Ginti kicks on their door. "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, OPEN THE FUCK UP!"

He's about to kick the door again when it opens; Ginti loses his balance and stumbles, finding himself looking up at Decim's stupid face.

"Well if it isn't Ginti," Decim says, placidly. "It's nice to see you. But weren't you just here?"

"Yeah, no shit," Ginti says, and he pushes past him, going inside.

xXx

.

The baby is crying. Behind them, Chiyuki is shushing and pacing around with it, holding it against her chest as it screams and screams.

"Can't you shut it up?" Ginti says. His head hurts. Decim hands him an aspirin and a glass of water, which Ginti tosses back, quickly.

"You are being very loud," Decim says. "She is probably frightened."

"Yeah, well I'm 'probably' gonna break her face in if she doesn't fucking stop screaming."

"Do not talk about my daughter that way," Decim says. A warning in his voice.

"Okay, geez, sorry," Ginti says, because he knows not to fuck with him whenever he doesn't say "please."

"Thank you very much," Decim says. He sounds normal again. Behind him, the baby wails.

"Okay, okay, shh, mommy loves you, it's okay..."

"Let me have her," Decim says, and he cradles the baby in his arms, shushing into its hair.

"This is fucked up," Ginti says. Chiyuki sits across from him, pulling her robe tight across her chest. "Can't you just put it up for adoption or something?"

"Why are you here?" Chiyuki says. She looks tired and pissed off, like a soul up for judgment under extreme conditions. Ginti glares.

"I got kicked out," Ginti says. "Nona closed the elevator doors on me. I can't go back even if I tried.

I tried offing myself," he says, and Chiyuki's hand flies to her mouth. "But as you can see, it didn't do me any fucking good."

He yanks up his sleeve and shows them: his arm is flaking in the areas where he tried to cut himself. "I'm still a fucking doll."

"That is unfortunate," Decim says. He just put the baby back in the nursery. "Any word on how long you will stay?"

"No idea," Ginti says. He rolls back down his sleeve. "But if I'm still a doll, that means they're planning to take me back, right? I mean, they can't just fucking leave me like this-"

"Why not?" Chiyuki says.

"I'm not talking to you," Ginti says. Chiyuki rolls her eyes and stands.

"Anyway, I need a place to stay. At least until I can sort things out."

"You are welcome to stay with us," Decim says. Ginti shakes his head.

"No offense, but I don't do well with brats," Ginti says. He stares at Chiyuki, pointedly. "And I'm not talking about your kid."

"Hm." Decim rubs his chin, thoughtfully.

"I think I may know of a place you can stay."

xXx

.

They go through the employee's entrance in the hospital. Ancillary staff walk past them, but humans can't see Ginti and Decim has his badge, so nobody bothers them. No one says a word when Decim crosses the back of the emergency room and walks briskly to the radiology department, swiping him into the lounge.

"Nobody stays here," Decim says. He switches on a light, showing him. "This used to be the overnight call room, but now it is mostly used for storage. You can stay here and have a modicum of privacy, if you like."

"The fuck is this place?" Ginti says. He looks around at the stacks of boxes and medical equipment, frowning.

"This is where I work," Decim says.

"In a hospital? No shit," Ginti says. Decim stands, silently.

"Well," Decim says, and he bows. "If you'll excuse me-"

"The fuck are you going?" Ginti says.

"I am going home," Decim says. Ginti stands, angrily.

"What the hell, you're just gonna leave me here?"

"I will be back for work in the morning," Decim says.

"What if Nona comes back for me? I don't know where the fuck I am!"

"I will inform Nona of your whereabouts," Decim says. "She has visited me here before. And as I said, you are welcome to stay with us. Provided, of course, that you do not mind the baby or the couch."

"Fuck," Ginti says, and he bangs his head against an IV pole.

He walks along the hospital corridor, hands stuffed in his pockets, glaring. Even now, he can't stop judging: every time a patient or a staff member walks past him, Ginti thinks to himself, _that guy is going to the void, that chick isn't. That guy's a fucking asshole, he's definitely going to the void. That dude isn't_.

"So this is what you do all day?" Ginti says, sitting on the desk in front of the monitor. Decim nods, then speaks into a microphone.

"Inspiratory and expiratory frontal views of the chest are submitted and compared to previous studies. There are new ground glass opacities noted in the lower lung fields..."

"Blah blah blah, ground glass, what the fuck," Ginti says. Decim looks up.

"Please do not talk right now, I am trying to dictate."

"What's this?" Ginti says, and he pokes at the monitor.

"That is the heart," Decim says.

"It looks like a fist," Ginti says. Decim frowns.

"There are textbooks on the shelf if you'd like to peruse them," Decim says.

"What? And waste precious memory space? Gimme a break." Ginti sits back on the desk, crossing his arms.

A few minutes pass. Decim clicks through the images, dictating, while Ginti shifts positions, staring at the ceiling. The clock ticks. He huffs, annoyed.

"I'm bored," Ginti says.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I need to work."

"There are other guys doing this too?" Ginti says.

"Yes. But please do not bother them," Decim says. Ginti stands. "Ginti. Please do not leave the room."

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm just gonna look a round."

"Please do not bother them, they are trying to work," Decim says, but Ginti waves his hand.

"It's not like they can see me anyway. I'll just take a look, I promise."

Decim looks doubtful. "Very well," he says. "But please come back soon."

"Yeah, yeah," Ginti says, and he steps out of the room.

xXx

.

The radiologist in the room next to Decim's is a twerpy little thing, bug-eyed and hunched, and Ginti bristles a bit as the guy clicks through the images and dictates.

"Two masses are identified in the right lung measuring two centimeters by-"

Ginti pushes off a stack of papers, which fall in a heap. The radiologist swears, "dammit," and stops to pick them up.

The radiologist starts dictating.

"-measuring two centimeters by-"

Ginti flips over a stack of papers again. The radiologist turns around.

"Hey, can someone shut the door? There's a draft in here," the radiologist says, and Ginti laughs his ass off.

"What are you doing?" Decim says, as Ginti saunters back inside.

"Don't worry, I'm not fucking with the equipment," Ginti says. Behind him the radiologist pokes his head into Decim's room.

"Hey, are you having a problem with the AC?" he says, and Ginti starts laughing. "I talked to the other guys and their AC's all messed up, too."

("I turned the heat up!" Ginti says.)

"My AC is fine," Decim says. The radiologist frowns.

xXx

.

"I thought he was going to stay at the hospital?" Chiyuki says, as Decim brings Ginti back into the apartment.

"Shut up!" Ginti says, as Decim is about to speak. He pushes past Decim and walks inside.

xXx

.

2.

"So this is a baby," Ginti says. He holds her up by the armpits, frowning.

"She looks like Decim," Ginti says. Chiyuki smiles.

"Yeah, she does," Chiyuki says. Ginti snorts.

"That wasn't a compliment," Ginti says, and he hands the baby back to her.

It's an uneasy arrangement. After a series of inexplicable equipment failures threw the radiology department into disarray, Decim refused to allow Ginti back in the hospital. _"It wasn't my fault," Ginti said. "There were buttons! I thought I could push them."_

_"I asked you not to touch anything," Decim said. Ginti threw his hands up, angrily._

_"I was bored!"_

He hangs around the apartment, fussing around with the television and the computer. She tries to breastfeed the baby, but she's agitated and the milk won't flow. The baby fusses quietly, pawing at her breast.

"Sorry, honey, mommy's trying." She strokes her baby's hair and glances up at the door.

"I told you already, I don't give a shit about your tits." Ginti's disembodied voice floats out from behind the door.

"Well can you not hover outside like that? It's making me nervous," Chiyuki says. The door opens.

"Hey!"

"You're out of eggs," Ginti says. He shakes the empty carton at her. "And no offense, but I've probably seen you naked as much as Decim has. So don't get so uppity, geez.

You want me to go for a grocery run or not?" Ginti says. Chiyuki sighs.

"Fine, my purse is on the table."

xXx

.

The baby finally is taking a nap, and Chiyuki crawls gratefully under the covers, exhausted. She's about to drift off into sleep when she hears a loud knocking on her door.

"Oi. You wearing clothes?"

Chiyuki groans and rolls over.

xXx

.

Ginti is making eggs. Chiyuki can't decide if it's a conciliatory gesture or if he's just hungry and bored, but in either case, she's grateful someone is making food.

"Thank you for cooking," Chiyuki says. Ginti sits down in front of her.

"It's not for you," Ginti says. Chiyuki glares at him. He huffs, irritated. "_Fine_," and he hands her the bowl.

They eat in silence. Chiyuki is almost finished with her bowl of rice when she realizes her scar is showing. She tugs the sleeve of her shirt over her wrist, covering it with her hand.

"Why'd you do that?" Ginti says, and Chiyuki's eyes flick upward.

"Do what?" Chiyuki says. Ginti points.

"Why'd you cover that up?"

Chiyuki flushes, setting down her bowl.

"I don't really like looking at it," Chiyuki says, softly. Ginti's eyes narrow.

"Why?"

Chiyuki looks up at him. Ginti is watching her with a predatory stillness, and she frowns, uneasily.

"It makes me sad," Chiyuki says.

"Why?"

"Because...because it was a mistake, and I hurt a lot of people because of it."

"You regret it?"

"Yeah."

"That's why you humans keep pissing me off." Ginti sets down his bowl, glaring. "Oi. Listen up. Without that fucking 'mistake' of yours, that guy would be back at the bar and I wouldn't have to be stuck with that Idol chasing moron.

_You're_ the reason why he's staying here," Ginti says. "If it's such a huge mistake, just goddamn tell him so he'll come back."

"Decim isn't a mistake," Chiyuki says. "No, I love him, I would never-"

"You just said it yourself, right? That you wish you never did it?"

"I know I did, but-"

"Then what the hell are you going on about?" Ginti says. "Why the fuck are you sad? You have a kid together, right?"

Chiyuki stares at him. He's still watching her, red eyes piercing into her. Silent and taking in everything.

"You're right," Chiyuki says, and suddenly whatever tension was there between them goes slack and dissipates. Ginti leans back, crossing his arms.

xXx

.

"I get to go back?" Ginti says. He's standing in the bedroom, vacillating between relief at going home and indignation at being stranded there in the first place. Nona gives him an enigmatic little shrug before motioning at him to follow her.

"Well, that was interesting," Castra says. She swivels in her chair, turning toward her. "Who would have thought dumb ol' Ginti would help the human like that? That was quite surprising."

"Not really," Nona says. "He was doing it for Decim." She turns, smiling slyly at her.

"Remember, we have a bet. You could say I was doing it for Decim, too."


	23. Ginti among the humans, part 2

.

.

"I heard you went to the human world!" Mayu says. She scoops up Memine, waving. "How was it? Wasn't it great?"

"Go away," Ginti says, and he throws a water bomb at Mayu's face.

"YOU go away!" Mayu says, and she rears back. Throws glitter fast as lightning toward him.

"HA!" Ginti says, and he counters, throwing bullets of water shooting back at her. "I changed the pH of my water, bitch, I NEUTRALIZED your acid! How about you come at me NOW?"

"You asked for it!" Mayu says, and she rears back. The air around her starts to glow.

"ULTIMATE FINISHING MOVE HARADA BEAM! _NOW_!"

"...the fuck?" Ginti says, before he's blinded by a flash of light, then bitch-slapped across the room.

xXx

.

"Why don't _I_ have a finishing move?" Ginti complains to Nona, who's frowning and staring at the damage: jellyfish flop listlessly around Mayu's cafe while one stuffed bear teeters precariously from the wall.

"Most arbiters don't. Quin 2 is just that good," Nona says.

"You hear that, loser?" Mayu says. "I'm just _that good_."

"Shut up!" Ginti says. Beside him, Memine hops out of Mayu's arms and rubs her face against Ginti's leg. "And what do YOU want, you fucking traitor?"

Memine purrs, graciously. Nona shrugs.


	24. The last notebook

_._

_._

_The first time he meets her, he doesn't understand her expression.  
Humans cry when they're sad. They smile when they're happy.  
She smiles and a tear slips down the side of her face.  
Is she happy or sad?_

_._

_._

_She won't play roulette.  
She won't play billiards.  
She won't play darts.  
She cries on the barstool and says, "I can't remember who I am."_

_._

_._

_There is a guest and he receives their memories.  
There is a guest and he receives their memories.  
There is a guest and she goes up to greet them.  
He is supposed to be watching them but sometimes he is watching her._

_How she sleeps on her side with two closed fists._  
_Her hair falls like a curtain over her shoulders._  
_Her eyes crease at the corners when she smiles._  
_Sometimes their hands brush when he hands her a drink._

_._

_._

_He wants to spend each day watching how her fingers curl around the stem of a wine glass._  
_Or how her head throws back, caught in a laugh._  
_Her mouth curls up at the edges when she touches his arm._

_._

_._

_There is a guest and he receives their memories._  
_There is a guest and he receives their memories._  
_There is a guest and he is distracted because she is smiling at him._  
_He is distracted because he is thinking of her body._  
_He is thinking of her living body, not a mannequin's body._  
_He would like to undress her, string her on the wall._  
_There are memories of sex and love and he wonders what it would be like_  
_Sex and love_  
_And sex and love_  
_and touching her_  
_and kissing her_  
_And kissing her eyes and her hair and her throat_  
_And kissing her her stomach and her nipples and her breasts_  
_He wants to touch her, and-_

_Nona yells at him to pay more attention._

_._

_._

_There is a guest and he receives their memories.  
There is a guest and he receives their memories.  
There is a guest and something is wrong.  
Why does it hurt when she's hitting him?  
Why does it hurt when their hands brush and she turns to keep from looking at him?  
Why does it hurt when he watches her sleep?_

_._

_._

_He doesn't want to stop holding her._  
_He doesn't want to stop holding her._  
_He doesn't want to stop holding her._  
_He doesn't want to stop holding her._  
_He is crying into her shirt._

_._

_._

_Humans cry when they are sad.  
She is not sad._


	25. The arbiter's baby

_._

_._

After Chiyuki gives birth, their daughter is swaddled in a hospital blanket and handed to her; Chiyuki sees blue eyes and pink skin, and her small hands are curled up into tiny fists.

Decim is smiling. There are tears in his eyes, which he wipes away, quietly.

"Humans cry when they're sad, isn't that right?" Decim says. He holds the baby, smiling and crying. "But Chiyuki-san, I'm not sad."

Chiyuki smiles and holds his hand. "No, you're not."

xXx_  
_

_._

The baby looks just like him. When she opens her eyes, Chiyuki is surprised to see the pale blue irises staring back at her. The baby watches quietly, dark pupils wide and dilated, drinking in everything.

Decim, as it turns out, is well-suited for the challenges of parenthood.

"He never gets frazzled, does he?" her mother says wonderingly, as Decim methodically and carefully changes a diaper, wipes up spit up, holds the baby while she's crying, tirelessly walks the baby back and forth in the apartment, holds Chiyuki while _she_ breaks down crying, tends to Chiyuki because she's been up all night nursing and she looks like a soul on the brink of the void. He holds the baby, feeds the baby, changes a diaper again.

"I wish you didn't have to go back to work," Chiyuki says. He squeezes her hand reassuringly.

"You will be fine. I will be back, shortly."

"Okay," Chiyuki says. She's exhausted and on the brink but she bounces the baby in her arms, lovingly.

xXx_  
_

_._

The baby learns how to crawl, and it's pretty soon it's tearing a path around their apartment, pulling apart bookshelves and cruising on end tables. Chiyuki is tired and just lets the baby play with the books on the bottom shelf, waiting until she tires herself out before putting the books back up again.

There is the sound of tearing paper, and Chiyuki's head jerks up. The baby has somehow gotten into Decim's notebooks. She looks at Chiyuki and smiles, proudly, waving around a torn sheet of paper.

"What did you tear? Oh honey, no..."

It's the notebook Decim had written his memories of Quindecim in. Probably the most important of those notebooks, he had left it carelessly on the bottom shelf, even though he packed up the other notebooks of Chiyuki's memories and put them away. _"I don't have any of your memories anymore," Decim explained to her, even though Chiyuki insisted he should pack up that notebook too. "I still have our memories in Quindecim. I see no reason to be as careful."_

Well this is a reason why, Chiyuki thinks, and sighs inwardly as the baby chews on paper.

xXx

.

The baby squeals as Decim pulls her to a stand, and Chiyuki watches them as Decim walks her around the park. It is a ridiculous sight: Decim is practically bent in half as he holds the baby's hands, solemn and stoic as he walks her forward.

"You are doing very well," Decim says, and Chiyuki laughs.

"DA DA DA DA."

"Yes, you are doing quite well."

xXx_  
_

_._

He carries the baby while Chiyuki pushes the empty stroller, and again Chiyuki is struck by their likeness. The baby paws at Decim's face, then giggles, pushing her little hand up to pat at his smile.

"What happened to your wrist?" someone asks as Chiyuki is holding the baby, and for the first time she realizes she hasn't bothered to cover it.

She thinks of her knee and all the things that had come after, when she tells her, "I fell and I hurt myself." But the stranger is too busy admiring her baby's eyes.

xXx_  
_

_._

Chiyuki watches as the baby sleeps. She breathes deeply, her small body rising and falling with each tidal breath. Her eyelashes are long and the rosebud of her lips are parted. She is the most beautiful thing Chiyuki has ever seen.

In the bedroom, Chiyuki doesn't sleep. Ignoring the ticking of the clock, she concentrates on Decim's breathing. Quietly she watches the rise and fall of Decim's chest, and feels the constant beating of his heart beneath her palm.


	26. Beginning again

.

.

It doesn't rain on the day of Chiyuki's funeral; where the sky should be dark and overcast, it is blue and bright, petals of cherry blossoms rising and skirting the air.

Decim stands apart from the others, barely noticing as mourners gather around her tombstone and lay flowers on the wet grass. Words cannot describe his grief. Like any other human, he started to take for granted that she would always be beside him. That he would always hold her as they slept, that he would see her smile and hold her hand.

"Are you okay?" someone says, and Decim turns to see Nona walking up beside him.

"Nona-san," Decim says. He smiles but his eyes are wet. "It is good to see you."

His voice is steady but his hands are shaking. Nona looks at him, quietly.

"You've aged," Nona says, and she turns, looking outward. She motions to the people hugging and crying in front of them. "Are they your children?" she asks. Decim nods.

"Yes," Decim says. "And the little one there is our granddaughter." She hears his throat catch on the possessive, watches as he quietly he wipes his eyes.

"Granddaughter," Nona says, wonderingly. "Time sure flies, huh?"

He has never looked more human. Without even asking him, Nona knows he has spent the night weeping. There is a wetness, a shadow of a tear from the hours before, that seems to make its way to the hollows of Decim's cheek; quietly Nona watches as he brushes it back, an unconscious movement, before he swallows again, blinking his eyes.

"She didn't play any games," Nona says, quietly. She gently touches him on the shoulder. "She will be reincarnated. Your original judgment still stands."

"Thank you very much," Decim says, and his mind goes back to the years before he came to the human world; for all his prodigious memory, he barely remembers that place now, the games or the guests or the emptiness of that tower. But he remembers the void, and the condition on which he came.

"I will never see her again, will I?" Decim says quietly.

"No, you won't," Nona says.

And he closes his eyes, tears spilling over.

xXx

.

"Hey, flower head!" Nona says. Oculus clasps his arms around his back and turns.

"Well if it isn't Nona. I assume you've come to see me about our bet?"

"I won," Nona says. Oculus frowns.

"Our bet was that he'd come back untainted. He has not," Oculus says.

"But he's human now," Nona says.

"What?"

"Look at him," she says, and in the mirror they see it: Decim's soul stepping hesitantly off the elevator.

"If he were still a doll, he would have fallen straight to the void. But he isn't," Nona says. "He's earned the right to judgment just like the rest of them."

"And so he fell to become a lesser being," Oculus says. "This is making my head hurt, and quite frankly, is not worth arguing over. Fine, you've won your bet," Oculus says, and Nona grins. "But just know that particular arbiter is quite ruthless when it comes to sending people to the Void."

"That's not a problem," Nona says.

xXx

.

"SO!" Mayu chirps, staring at Decim and the other guest, waving around her card. "What part of Harada's body does he scratch when he gets nervous? SUDDEN DEATH ANSWER ROUND. You have two seconds to answer!"

"Oh my god," the other guest says, while Decim simply speaks.

"The elbow," Decim says.

"Wron- wait, seriously? No one's ever gotten that right," Mayu says.

("I can't believe you had me recompile Harada's memories for this," Quin says, watching them in the mirror. Nona shrugs.

"Well I don't want him stressing out on his first go around," Nona says. She winks. "He'll have plenty of other chances to freak out, after.")

xXx

.

There are games and there are judgments. The sun rises. Seasons continue to change.

Somewhere, a little girl with dark hair opens her eyes.

And elsewhere, a little boy with blue eyes learns to smile.


End file.
